Fireside Chat: iPad and Flash
Welcome to the first installment of Fireside Chats, a new feature where we discuss both sides of an issue in a relaxed, informal setting. These fireside chats are completely neutral and seek to understand both sides equally. In this fireside chat we’ll be pondering the ideological divide between iPads and games made by sixteen-year-olds with hacked copies of Macromedia’s Adobe’s decrepit web content development platform. Taking the part of the iPad will be Steve Jobs1 . Taking the part of Flash will be a semi-concussed street “performance artist” who calls himself “Dr. Space”. Let’s join them now.
Mediator: Gentlemen, we’re here to discuss Flash on the iPad. Many people feel that not allowing Flash content is hurting the transcendent new device, while millions of others apparently don’t care at all. Steve, let’s start with you. What’s so bad about Flash?
Steve Jobs: We know first hand that Flash is the number one reason Macs crash. We have been working with Adobe to fix these problems, but they have persisted for several years now. We don’t want to reduce the reliability and security of our iPhones, iPods and iPads by adding Flash.2
Dr. Space: WHAT? You gotta stop listening to those BRAIIIN-Beamers, Jobber! Flash, man, he so cool, he so cool it make me say YEAH! I gotta give a big shout out to my man Zorthac, because he DECIDED the flash! He knows what it is to BE the flash! I know he can be relied on, like my pet turtle, Slappy. Slappy, help me out here.3
Slappy: [Looks straight forward, then blinks slowly.]
Moderator: Thank you gentlemen. Good points all around. Moving on, let’s talk about security. Gentlemen, both the iPad and the Flash platform have had security problems lately, although both could conceivably be blamed on your partners. Does Apple still hold that Flash would be an added security risk on the iOS family of devices?
Dr. Space: I hold up an apple, I see it, it sees me, my reflection on the waxy, fruity surface of the apple. Slappy, he bit the apple, and that’s what Jobber here bring to the people. MY PEOPLE! we KNOW what apple is, because it’s core grew in my belly!
Steve Jobs: On the contrary, Symantec recently highlighted Flash for having one of the worst security records in 2009, and that’s just the beginning. Flash was designed for PCs using mice, not for touch screens using fingers.
Moderator: I don’t see how a mouse-driven interface would affect security–
Dr. Space: Mice drive when MEN should be SLEEPIN’! Mice have seen the Wall of Truth, and they turned to eat it! I know they do! I garden the planets, and I have BEEN in the WALL!
Moderator: That to one side, and it’s a good point, I don’t think we’ve answered the security question.
Steve Jobs: The most important reason is the problems stemming from a third party supplying a cross platform development tool. The third party may not adopt enhancements from one platform unless they are available on all of their supported platforms. Hence developers only have access to the lowest common denominator set of features. Again, we cannot accept an outcome where developers are blocked from using our innovations and enhancements because they are not available on our competitor’s platforms.
Moderator: Mr. Jobs, again, this doesn’t really relate to the security issue. But since you bring it up, let’s discuss third party development tools. Apple has definitely settled on a platform–
Dr. Space: When I settled on this platform called earth, I said to Slappy, “Slappy, you’re my only friend in the cosmos. Tell me, tell me Slappy, what is the TRUTH?” And Slappy bit me. RIGHT ON THE FIFTH FINGER! And that’s when I KNEW! I knew the truth so hard, I said YEAH! YEAH! It made an impression on me. IT made so great an impression, I don’t even remember it!
Moderator: Er, Mr. Jobs, your response?
Steve Jobs: Wow, man, how can I respond to that? I mean, he’s got a point. Look, you chose well. This guy, this guy is good. YEAH!
Dr. Space: YEAH!
Slappy: [turtle noises that Dr. Space assured us meant "YEAH!"]
Moderator: And that’s all the time we have for today. Join us next time when we discuss the de-emphasis of OSX in the Apple mindset. Thank you.
