Whence CANS?
In 2008, a hero died. Crazy Apple Rumors Site, known by those who loved it deeply as “Jennifer Frickin’ Connely”, and to the rest of us as CARS, passed into the silent grave of hiatus. Since then the world of Apple-centric blogging has been barren, a wasteland of egos and self-important Grubers goobers. Clearly it was time for a new hero to emerge (cue dramatic music, pan out to a sunrise over the crest of a hill) time for a new force in the world of made up humorous Apple news posts. And that new hero is (wait for a dramatic silhouette to rise over the crest of the hill)…ahem. I said, “And that hero is…” (wait for it. Someone’s got to be coming…) AND THAT HERO IS…(awww, forget it.)…Someone else, apparently.
But while you wait for a new paragon of entertainment, you can read this site. It’s called the Crazy Apple News Site. You can call it CANS. Hopefully it’ll be occasionally entertaining and cause you to want to send the editorial staff thousands of dollars worth of free merchandise.
The current goal of CANS is to get popular enough to get John Gruber to say something nasty about us in person at either MacWorld Expo or WWDC. It’s not a good goal, but hey, you gotta start somewhere. To this end, posts will be posted, and eventually weekly features will be featured. New, made up characters will be introduced and improbable personality quirks will be attributed to various people in the Apple organization. You will laugh at our imaginary staff’s antics, smile knowingly at their misdeeds, and, eventually, come to love them. That’s where the thousands of dollars come in, by the way. None of this “You are soooo cool! I want to be just like you” crap. ”You can’t buy food with ‘you are soooo cool’s” is our motto. If you can’t express your appreciation in the form of cold hard cash or, at the very least, iPod Socks, then you can keep your flower-child love to yourself, you dirty hippies!
So, um, welcome to CANS.
