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Friday iFAQ: eBooks

August 27th, 2010 Nate 4 comments

Every Friday we publish a list of inFrequently Answered Questions and answers to help you, the Crazy Apple user, get more out of your Crazy Apple products.

This week we dive into an oddly popular aspect of the iPad: eBooks. But you don’t have to take my word for it.

Q: I really like to read.

A: Commune with the thoughts of another.

Q: But I hate carrying huge books around with me.

A: No you don’t.

Q: So I was wondering if there was a way…what did you say?

A: You’ve never had a problem carrying huge books around with you until you discovered there was an alternative.

Q: What do you mean?

A: Oh come on. Anyone who reads is quite used to having a book or two on their person at all times. It’s not a burden, it’s part of life.

Q: Well, yeah, but it gets heavy!

A: Don’t get me wrong, there are a ton of benefits to eBooks, but don’t pretend you’ve spent the past twenty years pining for your eBook reader.

Q: I totally imagined I’d have one some day, back when I watched Star Trek: The Next Generation! That was about twenty years ago! So there.

A: All right, so now you want me to solve your problems by telling you to buy an e-reader device. Specifically, an iPad.

Q: It’s kinda what we do around here.

A: Well, I’m not going to do that… Oh who am I kidding? The iPad has made reading books more comfortable than it’s ever been. The Kindle is a marvel of transitional technology1. The fact is, we live in a paradise of amazing ways to read books.

Q: Bipolar much?

A: I’m serious! You can get just about any book you want, delivered to you and ready to read in well under a minute. You can peruse chapters before you start reading, mark your books up, and be assured that you’ll never, ever be able to give them away and furthermore, you can rest in the knowledge that once your device dies nobody else will ever be able to read anything you had in your library.

Q: So the answer to my last question was yes.

A: Well, it’s a real problem, isn’t it? You can have thousands of books in a device that weighs less than a trade paperback version of Jonathan Livingston Seagull, but if you close your Amazon account or erase the book files from your computer and iPad2 then your books are gone forever.

Q: So there are real tradeoffs. You lose the individuality of your books: the typesetting that sets one title apart from another, the specific binding, the feel of different papers, but you gain portability and markup. You lose the ability to share, but you save some money on your purchase price.

A: I kinda feel like I should tell a joke here, or something. This kind of article belongs on Coals[2]Newcastle, not CANS.

Q: The bottom line is, we’re not there yet. We’ve created and streamlined digital content delivery, but we’re light years away from making it fair to both the producer and the consumer of the content. The old methods of checks and balances are falling away as data is abstracted from the physical forms that used to be a method of distribution control. New balances must be struck, but, as with any transition, there are still wild swings back and forth, all the power to the consumer, followed by a swing to massively curtailed consumer rights and back.

A: So, are you just writing a thesis paper or what?

Q: Or perhaps we have yet to see how truly free content can still provide a means of sustaining life to the producers of that content. There are virtual galaxies of solution space still unexplored here. But, whatever the eventual answer, we can be assured that, unless more people are willing to see this as a cooperative effort, an affair that takes the cooperation of all parties, then the polarization will assuredly lead to further deterioration of both the media and the messages.

A: Ladies and gentlemen, this has been “Wall of Text”. Friday iFAQ will hopefully return next week. Thank you and good night.

  1. does anyone actually think e-ink is going to last more than another three years? Really? []
  2. and iPod(s) and Time Machine Backup []
Categories: Friday iFAQ Tags: , ,

Friday iFAQ: Star Wars

August 20th, 2010 Nate 4 comments

Every Friday we publish a list of inFrequently Answered Questions and answers to help you, the Crazy Apple user, get more out of your Crazy Apple products.

This week, just to give ourselves something to do while we wait for Yoko Ono to kick the bucket Apple Corps1 to release Abby Road on iTunes, we thought we’d talk about the upcoming Blu-Ray release of Star Wars.

Q: Aaaaaw, are we really gonna do this?

A: What? Star Wars is a cultural touchstone and defined two whole generations of sci-fi fandom.

Q: Yeah yeah Jedis and Jar-Jar and stuff. But that’s not the point. It’s the whole Blu-Ray thing, isn’t it? That’s where this gets sticky from an OSX perspective.

A: It’s entirely possible that Steve will decide that the Blu-Ray bag doesn’t hurt all that bad!

Q: It’s more likely that he gets rid of SuperDrives altogether, and you know it. He wants all media to come down via iTunes, and you know it.

A: I was kinda hoping we’d be talking about hi-def wookies, you know…

Q: And Mos Def as Ford Prefect. Who cares about the content? The MEDIUM is the MESSAGE in this case. And Steve’s message is “you will use iTunes

A: Some people still like content…

Q: Look, Han Shot First, Chewie will NEVER get a medal, and Hayden Christensen, who grows up to be James Earl Jones,  is Mark Hamill‘s father. We got it. There aren’t any surprises here, just fodder for internet memes and T-Shirts.

A: I bought one of those T-Shirts!

Q: Welcome to the herd. The issue here is that Apple is like some kinda Empire, keeping us rebels from …

A: Running windows in bootcamp and buying a cheap little external blu-ray drive?

Q: Well, alright, I guess I could do that, but the point is that I shouldn’t have to! I mean, install Windows on my Mac mini?2 I’d–

A: –Sooner kiss a Wookie?

Q: Ugh. Fine, whatever.

A: That

Q:           Can be arranged, yes. Got it.

A: he he he. Wookie kisser.

Q: Very professional. Look, all I’m saying is that Apple seems to be pushing their own agenda here instead actually serving the consumer

A: Okay, jokes aside, I just can’t agree. Network distribution is where it’s at and where it’s going. Both. Somehow. Blu-Ray is as dead as Jango Fett after Mace Windu lops his head off. Sure, his heart my beat a few more times, but we don’t need plastic to carry our bytes around any more.

Q: So, you’d rather download an 8 GB file than just go buy it at the store?

A: It’d take about as long to get it from iTunes as it would to get it from Amazon.com, so there’s no loss there. And then it’s also legally and automatically backed up in my Time Machine drive, and my Mozy online backup as well. Where’s the downside here?

Q: In the middle of the Death Star Throne room?

A: Word.

  1. More like “Apple Corpse” amirite? []
  2. I’m totally running Windows 7 on my Mac mini. Stupid Grad School. []
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Friday iFAQ: Kindle 3

August 13th, 2010 Nate 5 comments

Every Friday we publish a list of inFrequently Answered Questions and answers to help you, the Crazy Apple user, get more out of your Crazy Apple products.

It’s just bad luck that our iFAQ for the Kindle landed on Friday the 13th.

Q: Oh, man, hey, sorry I had to call this one in. I can’t make it to the studio, so we’ll just do this over the phone, ‘kay?

A: O-Okay.

Q: Great. Anyway, I just bought this new Kindle, and I really like it, the e-ink screen, the cool graphite shell, the…whoops, man, I almost hit that black cat with my bike. Good thing he got out of the way so quickly! What was I saying? Oh, yeah, I really like it and all, but sometimes I wonder if it’s really enough.

A: What do you mean?

Q: Now, don’t get me wrong. I like having a reading device that’s also got free Wikipedia access anywhere I go, and having books delivered to me in “under a minute” is awesome, full stop. But WHOA! Man! This place is crazy today! I just barely fit under that ladder!

A: You were saying?

Q: I’m just saying that maybe the Kindle could do more.

A: More than just books, you mean?

Q: Well, that’s not entirely fair, because it also does magazines, blogs, heck, even Instapaper, that sweetheart of the iPhone, has Kindle support.

A: So you’ve got a high-tech miracle device that allows you to consume just about any print form of media from anywhere, but you want more?

Q: Look buddy, if you didn’t want that mirror broken you shouldn’t have left it out on the street where anyone could run into it like that! I’m lucky I’m not all full of glass shards and stuff, you know?

A: Maybe this is a bad time, Q…

Q: No, no it’s fine. Look, yeah, I get all the print stuff I want delivered to me wherever I am. But what about music? what about videos? What about long, moonlit strolls along the beach with the person I love? What about living the life I’ve always dreamed of?

A: NO MUSICALS!

Q: Sorry about that. Man, that lady across the street seems to agree with you. She’s totally givin’ me the evil eye. My singing isn’t that bad.

A: It kinda is. So, you want to know what you should do to satisfy all your other media-based lusts, right?

Q: You make it sound so dirty.

A: And you don’t want an iPad?

Q: Can’t afford an iPad.

A: Well then. Get ready to squint.

Q: What’s that now?

A: Grab yourself an iPod Touch or an iPhone and watch your movies and listen to your music on a more handheld device.

Q: And my Kindle?

A: You can read Kindle books on the iPhone, iPad, or iPod Touch. Or your Mac. Or your PC. Or just carry two devices. You’re not really losing out.

Q: Well, okay, yeah. But… hold on… Daaaaaang, that piano almost landed on me! So that’s your answer. Get an iOS device and call it good.

A: Pretty much.

Q: Hey, I just found $100 in the gutter! Maybe I CAN afford an iPad after all. Wow, today must be my lucky day!

A: Must be.

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Friday iFAQ: Microsoft Office 2011

August 6th, 2010 Nate 6 comments

Every Friday we publish a list of inFrequently Answered Questions and answers to help you, the Crazy Apple user, get more out of your Crazy Apple products.

This week we venture timidly forth into the future and preview Office 2011 for Mac.

Q: So, why would I want Microsoft Office on my Mac? I’ve got iWork.

A: You wouldn’t.

Q: Really? So, you’re just gonna walk away from this one?

A: Pretty much.

Q: No witty explanations, no declarations of love for Redmond’s latest and greatest?

A: Sure. “Windows 7 is a pretty good OS”. But I won’t say anything nice about an office platform that can’t figure out how to go fully Cocoa by 2011.

Q: Oh, it’s a nerd thing then. You’re angry about one of those things that nobody else on earth understands.

A: Understand this, laughing boy: Microsoft won’t be shipping a 64-bit version of Office anytime soon. They say it’s because they’re so focused on compatibility between the Windows and Mac versions of Office.

Q: Compatibility? Really? that’s their line? Even AbiWord can claim 95% compatibility with Microsoft Office.

A: Exactly. So while they “support” the Mac platform with a new, slightly-less-crippled-than-before version of Office, it’s pretty clear that what they are really trying to do is push people back on over to the Windows side of the tracks.

Q: Surprised?

A: No. But I’m not buying in. Instead, I’m getting EVEN.

Q: That doesn’t sound good.

A: Yes! I’ll show those buffoons in Redmond a taste of their own medicine on the other foot now!

Q: You’re going to email them that sentence and then release service packs for it until it’s finally intelligible?

A: I’ll start releasing mediocre versions of popular Mac software for Windows! Then everyone will see the obvious superiority of our glorious Mac platform! It’s brilliant!

Q: It’s something else all right.

A: I shall start with a sub-par version of iWork. I shall force all your tables to reside in the same spreadsheet! I will make an email client that uses more resources than most Linux distributions! I’ll turn Keynote into a boring and unispired collection of slides that would have been perfectly at home in 1985!

Q: You’re mad! Maaaaaad!

A: And I shall call my creation…

Q: No Doctor! Don’t name it! You can’t go through with this! Please, come back down from that improbable tower in the lightning storm! Give up your mad dreams of revenge!

A: Nay! I shall release my ghastly creation on humanity, and it shall be called:

Office 2010

Q: Wow.

A: Bwahahahahahahaha!

Q: That was a lot of setup for a fairly minor joke.

A: The joke is on Ballmer! He’ll never know what hit him! Their sales numbers will plummet!

Q: I’m…I’m not playing any more. Have fun [leaves]

A: Bwaaaahahahahahahahahaaa! I’m a genius!

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Friday iFAQ: Apple Battery Charger

July 30th, 2010 Nate 18 comments

Every Friday we publish a list of inFrequently Answered Questions and answers to help you, the Crazy Apple user, get more out of your Crazy Apple products.

This week we respond to Apple’s latest, greatest new product. No, not the Magic Trackpad. The Magic Trackpad is just part of a MacBook Pro Gone AWOL. No, this week we talk about the Amazing, the Incredible, the Apple Battery Charger.

Q: Really?

A: Really.

Q: This isn’t like, some hoax to get us to talk about the Magic Mouse, or the Magic Trackpad, or the Less-Magic iPhone 4–

A: Whoa whoa whoa! We don’t say the “i-4″ word around here, son!

Q: Right, right, sorry. So, you really want me to ask questions about a battery charger.

A: And I will answer them. Right. Go ahead.

Q: Okay, well, um… how about this: “Why did Apple decide to make a battery charger?”

A: I’m glad you asked!

Q: Hey, that’s what I don’t get paid for around here.

A: You see, since the dawn of time1 mankind has had to replace batteries in things that need power but not cords.

Q: Yep.

A: Things like Walkmen, Electric Cheese Graters, or poorly made radio-control cars from Radio Shack, all have needed some way to convert stored chemical energy into electric energy.

Q: Wake me when the infomercial is over, ‘kay?

A: But this poses a problem: putting batteries in landfills is like stabbing the Earth in the face. Over and over and over.

Q: That got needlessly graphic in a hurry, now didn’t it?

A: It did indeed my friend, it did indeed. But Lo! On the horizon! Who is that that approacheth? Who cometh with a solution in his outstretched hands, borne on wings of brushed aluminum?

Q: And now we’ve gone all the way to needlessly messianic.

A: Behold! The Great Steve! He reaches down, and bestows upon the earth a way to significantly reduce the damage done to our dear earth mother, while still enjoying the benefits of wireless devices of all sorts!

Q: As long as they take AA batteries…

A: And in his great wisdom he has finally rid the charger of its vampiric ways, reducing its needless consumption of electricity by a fulsome 90%!

Q: And now he’s a vampire hunter. What happened to your continuity people?

A: They’re sitting on the couch behind me watching Ice Age 3. But that’s not important now.

Q: Good movie though. If you like needless sequels.

A: I do. Now… Dangit. I lost my train of thought.

Q: Let’s see here, um… “fulsome 90%…” is where you left off, I think.

A: Right, right. Fulsome. Lotsa savings. Look, I can’t get back into that groove. I’ma try a new one. Dude.

Q: [sighs]

A: So, anyway, if you like, need your Apple fix, but, like, you also care about all Our Fellow Creatures, then this is, like, exactly what you need.

Q: You’re too young, son. Your hippie/beach-boy thing just doesn’t work.

A: Yeah. Anyway, look, cool silvery batteries, cool charger, works in your periperals, buy it, done.

Q: Um, yeah, okay.

A: You just threw me off of my game, is all.

Q: Sorry…?

A: Yeah, look, it’s fine. Whatever.

Q: “Isn’t Ellie supposed to be the one with the hormonal imbalance?”

A: What?

Q: Sorry. Just quoting Ice Age 3.

  1. January 1, 1970. The start of the UNIX epoch []
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From FANS: the Future Apple News Site

July 18th, 2010 Nate 2 comments

(note: since our current Crazy Apple News coverage is on break, we are borrowing from one of our temporal affiliates, the Future Apple News Site)
(Second Note: Technically, this whole post should have a thing that says “with apologies to William Gibson. But I’m not apologizing until he does. He knows what he did.)

Product Comparison: iDeck vs. The Ono-Sendai Hosaka Deck

The venerable Apple, Inc.’s entry into the cyberspace deck market has spurred a considerable amount of conversation and speculation. Will Apple’s years of interface experience give them an edge over the current market leader from Ono-Sendai? Or will cyber cowboys reject this more consumer-driven device?

In many ways, the devices are similar: they both work with the industry standard Hitachi 40 point connectors, although they both require a special adapter to do so. They both offer a gateway into cyberspace, of course. However, the iDeck’s streamlined simstim interface will make it easier for “iCowboys” to jack into other peoples’ sensory feeds, as well as connecting to construct ROMs. The iDeck is also more portable, and offers higher resolution thanks to Apple’s advanced ‘trode placement band.

On the other hand, supporters of the Hosaka point out that the older, battle tested deck offers greater customization potential, as you can jack any program into your deck, whereas the iDeck will only run apps purchased in Apple’s virtual AppStore, which incidentally is where you will find yourself whenever you jack in.

“Look, we all know Apple is never going to approve anything from Huang, and there are times where you need some specialized….security software,” said the construct of Case, one of Cyberspace’s premier cowboys. “The iDeck is fine for casual users, but corporate customers aren’t going to try to do business with the Yaki without some good tools on their side. And for now, all the best business software is written for the Hosaka.”

Apple points out that iHack ’35, their premiere security testing suite, will be available in August, but industry pundits remain skeptical.

“if you think iHack is going to be anything like as powerful as the stuff we’re seeing out of Night City you need to check behind your ear for a loose microsoft,” Case’s recorded personality said.

In other news, Microsoft announced that Windows CyberDeck XLT will be available in the Sprawl early next year, making it 47 years since they released CyberDeck 28.

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Friday iFAQ: iPhone 4

June 18th, 2010 Nate 2 comments

Every Friday we fail to publish a list of inFrequently Answered Questions and answers to help you, the Crazy Apple user, get more out of your Crazy Apple products.

This week we talk about the one thing that changes everything: the iPhone. Again!

Q: So, it’s got a really pixelly screen, right?

A: The Retina Display has a surprisingly high pixel density, yes.

Q: And it’s got more RAM, right? and, like, two cameras?

A: We don’t talk about RAM on Apple products. But yes, there is a front facing camera now.

Q: And it’s made out of glass or something, right?

A: These are just barely questions.

Q: Look, it’s a phone. It’s just a phone. What makes your iPhone so special?

A: Well, there’s an OS that actually works–

Q: Oh, yeah, that new iOS. It’s based on OSX, right? So I guess that’s pretty cool.

A: Yep. It’s stable, solid, and has more available apps than any other mobile platform

Q: For more money than any other platform! Oh, and it gets built in advertising! I mean that’s a Google move if ever I heard of one.

A: Oooooh, them’s fighting words, pal.

Q: Look, don’t get me wrong, Apple’s a business, right? We all know that. So they need a way to make ever more money on things. But when I’m using an App I don’t want to be interacting emotionally with the ads. I want to be flinging birds at green pigs in improbable buildings.

A: Oh yeah? Well, yeah, okay. But still, it’s better to have it all centralized and pretty, right?

Q: Sure, if you’re already an Apple fan. But who else is going to think that draconian vetting of ads in apps that are in a store that already has draconian vetting–

A: Your grandma.

Q: She runs Linux on a Beowulf cluster, dude. Look, I know what you’re trying to say: people who aren’t tech savvy don’t really care where the ads or the apps are coming from. So fine. But we should have some kinda choice, right? I mean, look at OSX: it’s all kinds of open. And it benefits from it. ANYBODY can write an application for the Mac and as a result, there are some great ones out there.

A: You got mean when you got sick, you know that?

Q: Sorry, dude. Gettin’ all dehydrated in a park whilst surrounded by Apple freaks didn’t do much for my mood.

A: Well, we’ll forgive it for now. But remember: mean is only okay when it’s funny.

Q: Okay. And you remember: don’t talk about presentation until the mics are off.

A: What? Oh, Dangit! I always forget–

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The Story of Q

May 10th, 2010 Nate 4 comments

Last week’s Friday iFAQ was cancelled, indeed a number of iFAQ’s have been severely compromised recently, due to Q’s decision to go stand in line for an iPad. We worried that he didn’t come back right away, but figured he was just playing with his iPad a lot. To be fair, that’s what we were doing, so we didn’t think much more about it. But when he still wasn’t around last Friday we started to worry. So we went out to find him. This is what we found.

Friday evening, we are waiting for Q to show up and record the iFAQ with us. When our usual 7pm appointment came and went we decided something was up. A called his cell phone, but Q wasn’t answering. We decided to go out and look for him at first light Saturday morning.

A quick note about appearances: You may think that the real Q looks like the Q you see on the webpage as you read each week’s iFAQ. But that’s just a cue, to let you know who’s speaking. There aren’t giant queues of A’s and Q’s standing around on each web page, although that would be cute.

The Letter Q

Q, in a promotional headshot he had taken in 2009

No, the real Q, the actual, living glyph, has a house in the upscale Avenues district of Salt Lake City1 and is a hearty 48-point Copperplate Gothic Bold upper case individual. At least, he used to be.

On Saturday morning we went down to the Apple store, looking high and low for Q, shouting “Q! Q! Where are you?” At one point John de Lancie showed up, and it wasn’t until he had called us fascinating mortals and wondered at our determination at continuing our menial existence that he got bored and pointed us to our fallen comrade.

Q was in a bad way. He hadn’t had any electrons or even pigments in days, and had passed out.  He had lost way too much weight, indeed his serifs were almost completely gone. His color had de-saturated to the point that he nearly blended in with the concrete, and his alpha channel was so weak that you could swear you could see your hand right through him. He looked more like a 5-point Helvetica Neue lowercase than his normal robust self. We immediately gave him a thin broth of weak ARGB values and started trying to figure out how to get him to a good foundry.

Ideally, of course, we would have taken him to Hermann Zapf himself, but weren’t sure he would survive the trip to Germany. Adobe is much closer, but current tensions between them and Apple left us unsure of the help we would receive at their hands. Finally we contacted Ross Carter (creator of the amazing PageHand) for help, knowing him to be a lover of fine typography, and not one to stand by idle while a poor glyph suffers.

“Q was in a bad way,” Ross told us later. “The CANS guys had made a good start, and his saturation was up to more stable #C0C0C0, but he was still fluctuating wildly. I transferred him into a PDF to keep him from getting any worse and started him on an Alpha drip.”

Q started to recover, growing more opaque and finally getting past the iffy 8-pt mark, but he’s still weak. We predict that he won’t be able to leave PageHand’s support structure for at least another week, which means we’ll have another substitute Q this Friday. But he’s already making jokes and is optimistic for a full recovery.

“I’ve got some good questions in mind, real zingers,” he told us, smiling a little. “I just hope A can keep up.”

  1. He lives on the corner of 14th and Q []
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Friday iFAQ: OSX

April 30th, 2010 Nate 2 comments

Every Friday we publish a list of inFrequently Answered Questions and answers to help you, the Crazy Apple user, get more out of your Crazy Apple products.

This week we bid a loving farewell to Apple’s venerable “desktop” operating system, OSX.

Q: Desktop? What’s a desktop?

A: Well, you see, back before there were iPhones and iPads, even before the ancient MacBook Air first crawled out of the primordial ooze, there was a thing called a “desktop computer”. It was kind of like an iPad, except for less portable.

Q: What do you mean?

A: Well, desktop computers didn’t have batteries, you see, so they had to stay in one place all the time

Q: Barbaric!

A: And they didn’t have touch screens, so you used a physical keyboard and a “mouse” to move the cursor around on the screen.

Q: I’m not okay with the rodent metaphor.

A: Many people weren’t. So that’s why Apple in their wisdom freed us from the scourge of non-portable computing.

Q: Were there any good things about these monstrosities?

A: Oh sure! Like, you could get apps from anywhere, even from stores not owned by Apple!

Q: No such thing!

A: And you could have screens of up to 30″ inches across, sometimes even two of them! But even the most humble of these gentle giants had at least 17″ of screen space.

Q: What would anyone do with that much space?

A: Well, remember those programs you could get from anywhere? You could run a WHOLE BUNCH of them at once, and Apple’s operating system for the desktop machines would let you switch between them, or even have two of them up on the screen at the same time.

Q: It’s like the future happened in the past!

A: There were many things in that era that are lost to us now, like the secret of Exposè, or devices that could be upgraded without being totally replaced. But Apple knows better for us now. They have declared that we must all compute on smaller screens that go with us everywhere, and blessed are we that follow in that righteous path.

Q: Amen.

A: Yet here is irony: those that create apps for us to use on our devices must still use those ancient beasts.

Q: What? How can this be?

A: Indeed, the desktop is not yet fully removed from Apple’s eye. The all-powerful XCode, that which generates the apps of the iPad and iPhone, does not run on our liberated devices. Indeed, it only runs on OSX, that most graceful of past OS’es.

Q: There is some serenity in that thought.

A: Yes, there is hope. The stationary ones may rise again; indeed Apple may yet release a new version of OSX. We can but wait. And hope.

Categories: Friday iFAQ Tags: , ,

Friday iFAQ: iPad Part I

April 2nd, 2010 Nate 7 comments

Every Friday we publish a list of inFrequently Answered Questions and answers to help you, the Crazy Apple user, get more out of your Crazy Apple products.

This week we hop right up on that bandwagon and take your questions about the not-actually-released-to-the-general-public iPad!

Q: So how do you like it so far?

A: I’m sorry?

Q: Your review iPad? How is it?

A: Oh, right, the…the review iPad that Apple sent me. Yeah. It’s great stuff. I mean, it’s all… all shiny, and…full of features…1

Q: You don’t have a review iPad, do you?

A: No, I totally do! It’s right here! In…in fact, I’m writing these responses on it right now!

Q: Why don’t you have a review unit? I mean, Pogue does, that one really hard to spell guy does, Gruber probably has four, heck, even Stephen Fry got one. But they just skipped right over you, huh?

A: I don’t know what you’re talking about! I’m using that iPad all day every day!

Q: I mean, Pogue, of course. And Mossberg, sure. Even Gruber’s a given, because he’d whine really really loud if they didn’t give him one to play with. But then there’s you. Left out. In the cold.

A: I know! What’s up with that? Of all those guys, I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who has been Apple Product Professional Platinum Certified from 2005-2009 continuously2 Mossberg wouldn’t know how to strategically position the value of MobileMe if he had Nimitz, Sherman and Patton helping him! If anyone could help them move ‘Pads, it’s me. But no. Just give ‘em to the noisy guys. Hmph.

Q: You wanna talk about it?

A: No. I’ma go sulk until I get in line to buy an iPad tomorrow. Like all the normal people.

Q: All the “normal people” with $500-$800 to chuck at a new toy.

A: Dude, these are Apple people.

Q: Right, right. Sorry. Forgot there for a second.

A: Well, you’re new. It’s forgivable. This time.

  1. Except for the features that Ive thinks would have detracted from the experience. []
  2. No, really, I have. Every year. []
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