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Welcome to another Fireside Chat. Today we have the latest hotness in in the Apple lineup: the iPhone 4 and the up and coming iPad 2. Gentledevices, welcome to the studio.

iPhone: Thank you, it’s good to be here.

iPad: What’s that, iPhone? You cut out there for a second.

Moderator: iPad, remember, we don’t do antennagate jokes here.

iPad: Sorry. Won’t happen again.

iPhone: No worries, cousin.

Moderator: Well, let’s get started. iPhone, what effect do you think this new generation of iPads will have on you and your sales?

iPhone: Well it can only be positive, can’t it? I mean, we’re not really in competition are we? I think of us as a team, two players on the same side.

iPad: I have to agree. It’s like asking what kind of effect my sales will have on the sales of Mac Minis. Sure, we cost about the same, but we’re totally different products with entirely different applications. Any one of us doing well only helps the others.

Moderator: So, iPad, you feel that your success will only help iPhone, is that correct?

iPad: Yes.

iPhone: I agree.

Moderator: So, do you feel that your competition benefits from this kind of synergy?

iPhone & iPad: Competition?

Moderator: The Android OS is looking to move into both of your spaces, and is definitely making inroads into your territory iPhone. And there are a lot of up and comers in your field, iPad.

iPhone: Well, there’s two questions there, really–

iPad: Yeah, the question of the threat posed by Android–

iPhone: And how well the Android players will work together.

Moderator: That works. Okay, feel free to answer those questions in any order you wish.

iPad: You first.

iPhone: Okay. Well, first: Android has its adherents. There are things that it does well. I don’t want to take that away from my worthy competitior. But what they don’t have is the integration–

iPad: or any real way to match the iOS experience.

Moderator: It seems to come down to iOS a lot of the time, doesn’t it?

iPhone: The experience is both our hardware and the software, it’s an integration. And that’s what’s missing in the Android universe.

iPad: Some Android software doesn’t work on some modern hardware, the speed of the updates is controlled by the carrier, it’s a rough world.

iPhone: So yeah, that’s a real advantage on our side.

iPad: Another is that we are working together, one company, one vision. We don’t have different manufacturers trying to outdo each other.

iPhone: Yeah, exactly. An iPhone is an iPhone, there’s no HTC vs. Motorola stuff going on here.

Moderator: That’s definitely a point. Although some would claim that the monolithic nature of your product line is a negative, not a positive.

iPad: Oh man, did someone let Zombie Richard Stallman in here?

iPhone: Wow, there hasn’t been a ZRMS joke on this blog since…wow, since before I was introduced. Anyway, carry on.

iPad: My point is just that it seems like the people that worry about that are just the Open Source fanatics.

Moderator: Some would say that Open Source is actually a useful and beneficial concept. In fact, OSX is based on the BSD, and Apple contributes to a number of Open Source projects.

iPad: but not us. We’re all Apple baby. At least, as far as you know. Good luck getting a look at our internals, too. We’re But seriously, what’s so bad about vendor lock-in?

iPhone: Look, you can have open source, or you can have a good user experience, but so far you can’t have both.

Moderator: Wow, that’s deeply insightful. And a little scary, really. Okay, one last question: Windows Phone 7? What do you think?

iPhone: Microsoft gave up and decided to fight a different battle. Has nothing to do with me.

Moderator: We’ve been chatting with a very confident, and not very funny, pair of devices ladies and gentlemen. And remember: around here, we don’t talk about Antennagate. Join us next time when we talk to the Mac App Store and iTunes and see how they feel about sharing an OS.

Welcome to another episode of fireside chats. Today we look at two up and coming descendants of the monster that was WebTV set-top compu-media devices: Apple’s Apple TV and Google’s Google TV.¹

Welcome to you both.

Apple TV: It’s nice to be here.

Google TV: Where exactly is “here”? How did we get to a featureless gray void?

Moderator: For simplicity, I’m going to just call you Apple and Google, is that acceptable?

A: Certainly.

G: I mean, that gradient from below us to above us is nice, but what are we even standing on?

M: First question is for both of you. There’s some confusion over what value you bring to the living room experience. Where do you fit in to the modern entertainment center?

A: I think that set-top connectivity boxes like Google and me are meant to be a gateway to the increasingly massive amount of quality entertainment on the internet. When you buy a HD movie on iTunes you want to be able to watch it on your 50″ television, instead of your 13″ MacBook. I let you do just that.

G: While I agree at first, I find that I eventually have to steal Apple’s good ideas and get fired from his board of directors. But I kid. No, Apple TV has it basically correct. We bring the richness of the internet to the living room. There’s a lot more out there to watch than just YouTube, and even YouTube is better on the big screen.

M: Apple, what sets you apart from the competition?

A: Well, it’s the experience, isn’t it? Set me down, plug me in, and you’re off and running. There’s no learning curve; you already know how my interface works. You have instant access to all your photos, music, and movies on all your computers, and you can rent movies and TV shows instantly from the couch.

M: Google, same question.

G: What sets me apart is freedom, baby. I can do it all. search, watch TV on a number of websites, Netflix–

A: I can do Netflix!

G: Amazon Unbox,

A: I can…watch movies from iTunes.

M: Apple, please.

G: Anyway, you can get your content from anywhere. Websites will be able to create TV-specific views of their pages, and you’ll be able to see them on Google TV. Pretty soon you’ll be able to install apps on me as well.

A: I might get apps some day.

M: Apple, you seem a bit defensive about some of Google’s claims. Why is that?

A: Well, it’s nothing really. I think Google’s a little to focused on feature lists is all.

M: And that’s a problem?

A: Well, I prefer to focus on the overall experience.

G: Without getting too much into that, I feel the experience is enhanced by more data streams and more choices.

M: And you have both given our viewers something to think about, in terms of choice. One last question. Who do you think will win?

G: Nobody.

A: No one.

M: I’m sorry?

A: Look, what are we, really? Let’s be honest, this is just WebTV 3.0. People keep trying this little experiment, and it keeps tanking. Why would that change now?

G: He’s got a point. If you want a computer, go to your computer. You wanna watch a movie? just watch a movie.

A: If anyone is going to win, it’s my big brother, Mac Mini.

G: Oh, no doubt. That guy’s got it all over us. He can do anything either one of us can do, and he’s a real computer as well.

A: My existence is kind of embarrassing, when he’s around.

G: My existence is still kind of tenuous at best.

M: Well, this has been a thorough waste of our time then. Until next time, I’m your nameless Moderator, and this has been Fireside Chats. Goodnight.

1. Creative Names Not Included [↩]

Join us once again for Fireside Chats, where we bring two points of view together and hope they start hitting each other with chairs, Jerry Springer style. And if ever there was a pairing less likely to do that than our two current guests, we’ve never heard of it.

Today we have iOS, the up-and-coming jack-of-all-devices operating system, and OSX, the elegant master of big computers.
Moderator: Gentlesystems, welcome.

iOS: It’s good to be here.

OSX: Always a pleasure.

Moderator: iOS, you’ve become one of the largest, if not the largest, mobile operating systems in the world in just a few years. OSX, despite your acknowledged superiority, you still struggle to reach 10% of the desktop market. Why do you think that is?

iOS: I have built on the foundation laid by my honorable parent, OSX, and expanded into a new area, an area which before now didn’t really exist.

OSX: I do not hold onto the mistakes of the past that limited my size. Does the gnarled pine curse the rock that forced its seedling into its current shape? Or does it not, instead, seek to turn this obstacle into a chance for greater, more unexpected beauty? Long have I envisioned the day where I might burst forth triumphant, although now I see that this victory may come through my offspring.

iOS: I am humbled and honored.

Moderator: So, OSX, not to tread on this tender moment, but it kinda sounds like you’re giving up there.

OSX: The battle may still be won, but the field is no longer central to the war. Still, we put up the good fight, and expect success on this front.

Moderator: iOS, what about you? How do you see your battle going?

iOS: While it is unwise to try to predict the movements of one’s opponents, I am sanguine in my hopes for victory. the iPad is unrivaled, and no real rivals are seen on the horizon. the iPhone gains in popularity day by day, hardware mistakes notwithstanding. and the iPod Touch, as well, is in a class by itself.

Moderator: That’s true. Despite the continued offerings of Creative and Microsoft, there really isn’t a decent competitor to the iPod Touch, is there? And in some ways, it doesn’t look like there will be. But the iPad is due to see some new entrants into its market soon. How do you see these newcomers?

iOS: These devices are missing the one thing that makes the iPad unique.

Mod: and that is?

iOS: Me. A touch-screen computer running Windows 7 is a mongrel that will have all the tell-tale signs of its desktop heritage cobbled into a mobile platform.

Mod: And what about the WebOS and Android-based tablets due out in the next year or so?

iOS: There we may see some real challenge. Android is a formidable, if uncouth, foe. They seek victory not in the elegance and perfection of their attack, but rather in superiority of numbers.

OSX: I’m still here, you know.

Mod: So you see Android’s chances of domination resting in the number of devices that are deployed using Google’s OS, and not in the engineering quality of said OS?

iOS: There is little to fear, I think, in the “quality” of the Android OS. But it is free to run on any cell network, and this is worth considering.

Mod: This “low-cost-broad-dispersal” technique worked once before, you know.

OSX: Oh, bring that up, why don’t you? Look, Apple was young, they didn’t see it coming. And anyway, that was before my time.

iOS: We have learned from the mistakes of the past, and you may also be sanguine that we will move to exceed our rivals at every turn.

OSX: So I’m invisible and silent now all of the sudden, is that it? Nobody can hear me?

Moderator: Well, we’re out of time here. I’ve been chatting with an extremely confident iOS.

OSX: And me! OSX! The best desktop OS! I’m still here.

Moderator: Join me next time for more Fireside Chats.

It seems appropriate, as the long TV relationship between Mac and PC winds to a close, to bring the two of them into the studio here. But instead of continuing the age-old battle, we thought we’d narrow it to a specific field. Specifically, the $700 mac mini vs. a $700 home-built PC.

It seemed like fun in my head. Now, let’s see how it plays out. Mac will be taking the side of the mac mini, PC, will be taking the side of the homebuilt gaming PC.

Mac: Hello, I’m a Mac.

PC: And I’m a PC.

Moderator: And I’m a moderator. Gentlemen, I brought you here today to discuss $700 systems. Mac, you, of course, have the mac mini, a tiny little box that fits anywhere. PC, you can be built entirely from parts purchased on newegg for that price. mac, let’s start with you. Why would we choose a mac mini?

Mac: ….It doesn’t work if I go first.

Moderator: I’m sorry?

Mac: Yeah, see, the way we do this is I ask PC what’s up, he tells me something that doesn’t apply to me, and then I tactfully ignore that glaring problem while he writhes in misery.

PC: It’s a tried and true system.

Mac: So, if you could just ask PC to defend his point first, I’ll be much more comfortable. Thank you.

Moderator: Well, okay. PC: same question. Why would we want to build a PC from parts for $700?

PC: Well, you get a lot of bang for your buck that way: fast graphics cards, great processors, lots of RAM, hours on the phone with various companies trying to get your rebates back and get RMA numbers for faulty components…

Moderator: Some of that…doesn’t sound so positive.

PC: Well, it’s the total experience, isn’t it? For every really easy install you’ve got at least one part that doesn’t quite fit. But once you’ve done it all you have a machine that’s truly your own, from the ground up. And you know it’s exactly what you want because you built it. Sure, there’s some trials, but that just adds to the feeling of accomplishment when you’re finished.

Moderator: Well, that sounds good. Mac, your response.

Mac: Hmm? oh, sorry, I was just surfing the web, playing StarCraft II, and emailing photo albums of this awesome trip me and my photogenic friends took to Sundance last year. Yeah, I just pull the mini out of the box, set it up, and I’m good to go.

PC: But what about options? what about upgrades?

Moderator: Mac, your response?

Mac: I can upgrade the RAM in here in like, three seconds.

PC: and the hard drive?

Mac: …That’s what AppleCare is for! What happens when your homebrew box breaks down?

PC: I spend a few hundred dollars and fix it. What about you?

Mac: APPLECARE!

Moderator: Gentlemen, let’s move on. Next topic: software. PC, where does the custom rig really shine?

PC: Anywhere I put LEDs of course. But I kid. No, the strong suite is, without a doubt, games. I will always have a siiiiiiick video card, tons of RAM, and enough processors to choke a camel. So I can play any game at any resolution. And I can do anything any other windows machine can do.

Mac: But not the stuff I can do. No iWork, no iLife, no Coda, Transmit, Scrivener, UNIX, XCode, or any of the other rich tools you get with any mac. Oh, and you get to run anti-virus software all the time as well.

PC: You know, you sound like a recap of every commercial we ever did right now.

Mac: Playing my strong card, buddy.

Moderator: Well gentlemen, this has been very enlightening, and not as funny as we’d hoped. I’m disappointed. But thank you for your time anyway, I guess. Mac, go catch a shave, PC, go buy some new suit coats and we’ll see you all next time at our next fireside chat.

Welcome to the first installment of Fireside Chats, a new feature where we discuss both sides of an issue in a relaxed, informal setting. These fireside chats are completely neutral and seek to understand both sides equally. In this fireside chat we’ll be pondering the ideological divide between iPads and games made by sixteen-year-olds with hacked copies of Macromedia’s Adobe’s decrepit web content development platform. Taking the part of the iPad will be Steve Jobs¹ . Taking the part of Flash will be a semi-concussed street “performance artist” who calls himself “Dr. Space”.  Let’s join them now.

Mediator: Gentlemen, we’re here to discuss Flash on the iPad. Many people feel that not allowing Flash content is hurting the transcendent new device, while millions of others apparently don’t care at all. Steve, let’s start with you. What’s so bad about Flash?

Steve Jobs: We know first hand that Flash is the number one reason Macs crash. We have been working with Adobe to fix these problems, but they have persisted for several years now. We don’t want to reduce the reliability and security of our iPhones, iPods and iPads by adding Flash.²

Dr. Space: WHAT? You gotta stop listening to those BRAIIIN-Beamers, Jobber! Flash, man, he so cool, he so cool it make me say YEAH! I gotta give a big shout out to my man Zorthac, because he DECIDED the flash! He knows what it is to BE the flash! I know he can be relied on, like my pet turtle, Slappy. Slappy, help me out here.³

Slappy: [Looks straight forward, then blinks slowly.]

Moderator: Thank you gentlemen. Good points all around. Moving on, let’s talk about security. Gentlemen, both the iPad and the Flash platform have had security problems lately, although both could conceivably be blamed on your partners. Does Apple still hold that Flash would be an added security risk on the iOS family of devices?

Dr. Space: I hold up an apple, I see it, it sees me, my reflection on the waxy, fruity surface of the apple. Slappy, he bit the apple, and that’s what Jobber here bring to the people. MY PEOPLE! we KNOW what apple is, because it’s core grew in my belly!

Steve Jobs: On the contrary, Symantec recently highlighted Flash for having one of the worst security records in 2009, and that’s just the beginning. Flash was designed for PCs using mice, not for touch screens using fingers.

Moderator: I don’t see how a mouse-driven interface would affect security–

Dr. Space: Mice drive when MEN should be SLEEPIN’! Mice have seen the Wall of Truth, and they turned to eat it! I know they do! I garden the planets, and I have BEEN in the WALL!

Moderator: That to one side, and it’s a good point, I don’t think we’ve answered the security question.

Steve Jobs: The most important reason is the problems stemming from a third party supplying a cross platform development tool. The third party may not adopt enhancements from one platform unless they are available on all of their supported platforms. Hence developers only have access to the lowest common denominator set of features. Again, we cannot accept an outcome where developers are blocked from using our innovations and enhancements because they are not available on our competitor’s platforms.

Moderator: Mr. Jobs, again, this doesn’t really relate to the security issue. But since you bring it up, let’s discuss third party development tools. Apple has definitely settled on a platform–

Dr. Space: When I settled on this platform called earth, I said to Slappy, “Slappy, you’re my only friend in the cosmos. Tell me, tell me Slappy, what is the TRUTH?” And Slappy bit me. RIGHT ON THE FIFTH FINGER! And that’s when I KNEW! I knew the truth so hard, I said YEAH! YEAH! It made an impression on me. IT made so great an impression, I don’t even remember it!

Moderator: Er, Mr. Jobs, your response?

Steve Jobs: Wow, man, how can I respond to that? I mean, he’s got a point. Look, you chose well. This guy, this guy is good. YEAH!

Dr. Space: YEAH!

Slappy: [turtle noises that Dr. Space assured us meant "YEAH!"]

Moderator: And that’s all the time we have for today. Join us next time when we discuss the de-emphasis of OSX in the Apple mindset. Thank you.

1. or a reasonable facsimile thereof [↩]
2. Yes, most of these will come straight from Steve’s “Thoughts on Flash” on the Apple website. [↩]
3. Dr. Space mostly comes from my brother in law, and a guy I met in the Philippines. [↩]