LG Readies The Best Things Ever
Following their announcement that they are poised to release a tablet that’s better than the iPad, LG further announced that they would be releasing some other world shattering devices:
- A new car that’s better than a BMW
- A house that’s more beautiful than Fallingwater
- A steak that tastes better than a perfectly-prepared fillet mignon
- A supercomputer that’s better than whatever it is Cray and IBM are releasing these days.
These products can be viewed as major departures from LG’s usual line of low end radios and lightbulbs, or Costco-special LCD televisions. We asked them about this.
“The problem with all these other things is that they don’t allow for content creation.1
Well, supercomputers do, but nobody uses them for that. They just do protein simulations and play killer games of StarCraft II. But that’s not the point.
The point is that, in each of these fields, we will introduce devices that allow the user to be a creator as well as a consumer. I mean, sure, Fallingwater is a good house, but what if you need to, I don’t know, whomp up a 3D movie? The house is totally not designed to accommodate you. Sure you can try to make a movie in the house with, like, a Mac Pro or something, but the house doesn’t really lend itself to your endeavors. Our new house, car, steak, and computer will all specifically aid in content creation.”
LG’s spokesperson declined to elucidate, which is probably for the best. Especially in the whole “steak” arena.
“Look forward to car like devices that will not only get you where you’re going, but allow you to write a novel while you’re doing it. Or maybe a spreadsheet, if you’re a business type. I don’t care. Right now it’s a Dodge Neon with an iPad glued to the dashboard, but that’s just the prototype.” The spokesperson said, followed by “oh, don’t put that in.”
We put it in.
- Apparently they completely ignored our qustion. [↩]
Well, Fallwaters is falling apart.
I like my iPad. Notice how many other companies are now using “pad”. Apple leads the way! We WILL defeat Flash.
Oops. Fallingwater.
Well, at least they’re not promising to release a pony that’s better than iPony, or pants better than iPants, or a crazy Apple news site that’s better than CANS, because those promises would just be crazy.
I’m planning to release a tablet and/or pad way better than LG’s unreleased iPad killer, just a few days after they release theirs, if theirs is truly better like they say. And I can already do content creation on my prototype: in fact, I just made a little tea cup out of Fimo, and it’s kinda cute. Afterwards, I simply wiped off my prototype with a damp cloth, and it was as good as new.