Friday iFAQ: Microsoft Office 2011
Every Friday we publish a list of inFrequently Answered Questions and answers to help you, the Crazy Apple user, get more out of your Crazy Apple products.
This week we venture timidly forth into the future and preview Office 2011 for Mac.
Q: So, why would I want Microsoft Office on my Mac? I’ve got iWork.
A: You wouldn’t.
Q: Really? So, you’re just gonna walk away from this one?
A: Pretty much.
Q: No witty explanations, no declarations of love for Redmond’s latest and greatest?
A: Sure. “Windows 7 is a pretty good OS”. But I won’t say anything nice about an office platform that can’t figure out how to go fully Cocoa by 2011.
Q: Oh, it’s a nerd thing then. You’re angry about one of those things that nobody else on earth understands.
A: Understand this, laughing boy: Microsoft won’t be shipping a 64-bit version of Office anytime soon. They say it’s because they’re so focused on compatibility between the Windows and Mac versions of Office.
Q: Compatibility? Really? that’s their line? Even AbiWord can claim 95% compatibility with Microsoft Office.
A: Exactly. So while they “support” the Mac platform with a new, slightly-less-crippled-than-before version of Office, it’s pretty clear that what they are really trying to do is push people back on over to the Windows side of the tracks.
Q: Surprised?
A: No. But I’m not buying in. Instead, I’m getting EVEN.
Q: That doesn’t sound good.
A: Yes! I’ll show those buffoons in Redmond a taste of their own medicine on the other foot now!
Q: You’re going to email them that sentence and then release service packs for it until it’s finally intelligible?
A: I’ll start releasing mediocre versions of popular Mac software for Windows! Then everyone will see the obvious superiority of our glorious Mac platform! It’s brilliant!
Q: It’s something else all right.
A: I shall start with a sub-par version of iWork. I shall force all your tables to reside in the same spreadsheet! I will make an email client that uses more resources than most Linux distributions! I’ll turn Keynote into a boring and unispired collection of slides that would have been perfectly at home in 1985!
Q: You’re mad! Maaaaaad!
A: And I shall call my creation…
Q: No Doctor! Don’t name it! You can’t go through with this! Please, come back down from that improbable tower in the lightning storm! Give up your mad dreams of revenge!
A: Nay! I shall release my ghastly creation on humanity, and it shall be called:
Office 2010
Q: Wow.
A: Bwahahahahahahaha!
Q: That was a lot of setup for a fairly minor joke.
A: The joke is on Ballmer! He’ll never know what hit him! Their sales numbers will plummet!
Q: I’m…I’m not playing any more. Have fun [leaves]
A: Bwaaaahahahahahahahahaaa! I’m a genius!
Ah, it’s Friday and he’s back. Words, words, words. What to say? Sorry. Nothing pithy comes to mind. I’m just sitting here waiting for the new iPod announcements.
Second!
I have Microsoft Office. I have iWork. When somebody sends me an Excel file to work on, I open it in Numbers, do the work, and save it back as an Excel file for them, because using Excel is just too clunky. Why don’t those people switch to iWork? Is it because they are sheep?
Na-a-a-a-a-ah.
Sorry, I couldn’t resist. Ace, regarding pithy comments, remember: “It’s better to be pithed off than pithed on.”
Thankth for the tip.
Oooooo…. Ace and J0n are bonding!