Crazy Apple News Site

(The iPhone 4 thing is still raging out of control and making all Apple news in this universe really boring, mean-spirited, and depressing. So we are posting an article form AR-CANS, the Alternate Reality Crazy Apple News Site. They are writing about the new iPhone 3GRS¹ which was the follow-up to the 3G in their universe. Other than that, I’m told, their universe is pretty similar to ours.)

Many young fish have asked me if the 3GRS will be as airproof and gelatin-proof as it’s predecessor. There’s no denying that those weekend trips to Alpha Proxima were greatly facilitated by the aerophobic and geleophobic coatings Apple put on their iPhone flipper-held devices. But even with UniversCell technology, it seems that some calls were getting dropped in the outer reaches of the Oort cloud, where massive uncharted astral bodies could make it hard to get a signal. This of course explains the gelatin: anything submersed in gelatin has its signal strength boosted significantly, as you all know. this is why the Ensign, Gel-Class is such a coveted and enviable position on any starbus.

Well, the answer, my icthiods, is yes, the 3GRS retains the full body geleophobic coating that you have grown to love and trust in your flippertop app phone. Steve Cods assures us that the hypersolar market will be “the main audience” of all upcoming releases of the iPhone.

In other news, Microsoft doesn’t exist in this reality. But Linux lost another 2 percent of the shoal-top market, with Apple and BeOS picking up one percentage point apiece…

Look, I gotta stop there. I was told these guys were pretty similar to us, but BeOS picking up market share? That’s just too weird.

1. “RS” stands for “Really Speedy” [↩]