Friday iFAQ: Apple Battery Charger
Every Friday we publish a list of inFrequently Answered Questions and answers to help you, the Crazy Apple user, get more out of your Crazy Apple products.
This week we respond to Apple’s latest, greatest new product. No, not the Magic Trackpad. The Magic Trackpad is just part of a MacBook Pro Gone AWOL. No, this week we talk about the Amazing, the Incredible, the Apple Battery Charger.
Q: Really?
A: Really.
Q: This isn’t like, some hoax to get us to talk about the Magic Mouse, or the Magic Trackpad, or the Less-Magic iPhone 4–
A: Whoa whoa whoa! We don’t say the “i-4″ word around here, son!
Q: Right, right, sorry. So, you really want me to ask questions about a battery charger.
A: And I will answer them. Right. Go ahead.
Q: Okay, well, um… how about this: “Why did Apple decide to make a battery charger?”
A: I’m glad you asked!
Q: Hey, that’s what I don’t get paid for around here.
A: You see, since the dawn of time1 mankind has had to replace batteries in things that need power but not cords.
Q: Yep.
A: Things like Walkmen, Electric Cheese Graters, or poorly made radio-control cars from Radio Shack, all have needed some way to convert stored chemical energy into electric energy.
Q: Wake me when the infomercial is over, ‘kay?
A: But this poses a problem: putting batteries in landfills is like stabbing the Earth in the face. Over and over and over.
Q: That got needlessly graphic in a hurry, now didn’t it?
A: It did indeed my friend, it did indeed. But Lo! On the horizon! Who is that that approacheth? Who cometh with a solution in his outstretched hands, borne on wings of brushed aluminum?
Q: And now we’ve gone all the way to needlessly messianic.
A: Behold! The Great Steve! He reaches down, and bestows upon the earth a way to significantly reduce the damage done to our dear earth mother, while still enjoying the benefits of wireless devices of all sorts!
Q: As long as they take AA batteries…
A: And in his great wisdom he has finally rid the charger of its vampiric ways, reducing its needless consumption of electricity by a fulsome 90%!
Q: And now he’s a vampire hunter. What happened to your continuity people?
A: They’re sitting on the couch behind me watching Ice Age 3. But that’s not important now.
Q: Good movie though. If you like needless sequels.
A: I do. Now… Dangit. I lost my train of thought.
Q: Let’s see here, um… “fulsome 90%…” is where you left off, I think.
A: Right, right. Fulsome. Lotsa savings. Look, I can’t get back into that groove. I’ma try a new one. Dude.
Q: [sighs]
A: So, anyway, if you like, need your Apple fix, but, like, you also care about all Our Fellow Creatures, then this is, like, exactly what you need.
Q: You’re too young, son. Your hippie/beach-boy thing just doesn’t work.
A: Yeah. Anyway, look, cool silvery batteries, cool charger, works in your periperals, buy it, done.
Q: Um, yeah, okay.
A: You just threw me off of my game, is all.
Q: Sorry…?
A: Yeah, look, it’s fine. Whatever.
Q: “Isn’t Ellie supposed to be the one with the hormonal imbalance?”
A: What?
Q: Sorry. Just quoting Ice Age 3.
- January 1, 1970. The start of the UNIX epoch [↩]
A Friday post on a Friday. We’re back on schedule.
I want a battery charger. And a Magic Track Pad. And a pony.
Kthxbai
Battery charger? But my devices don’t use AA batteries. What do I have to buy first so I’ll need to have the battery charger?
Thanks in advance.
Wireless keyboard and mouse. Magic Track Pad.
Stop being so practical. Apple made it. Just buy it. If you buy it, the devices will come.
Maybe I should just join the Apple Club, so they send me each new product at its introduction. Life would be so much easier.
I don’t mean to actually make a serious comment here, but if Apple was really interested in planet-friendliness, they would support NiZn batteries instead of NiMH batteries; they have higher energy density, nearly as many recharge cycles, contain significantly less toxic materials, and cost the same. I bought some NiZn batteries, and I’ve been really happy with them. They’re 1.6v per cell, rather than the 1.2v per cell for NiMH, so they’re a much better replacement for alkaline batteries. Okay, I’m done.
Pops out of the woodwork to make a serious comment? Hmmmm….. What does the TOS say about that.
So I shouldn’t buy an Apple battery charger. Party pooper. OK if I get a Magic Track Pad I don’t need?
I thought the ToS allowed Lurking. I did attend the CARS Academy of Lurking, you know.
And, by all means, get the gratuitous Magic Track Pad!
I get things I don’t need all the time! And the great thing with Apple products is that you might not think you need them when you buy them, but once you have them, you realize you couldn’t get along without them!
Ah, good ol’ CARS-AOL. I got my Associates in Not Saying Things there. My professors would be so ashamed of me now…
I wanted to refrain from making another comment, but my tongue got the best of me. Yes, I type with my tongue. (So no one else wants to use my Mac.)
Why do you feel you have to lure? Ace and I are friendly. Well, I know I am. Ace?
LURK. Darn autocorrect.
I agree that Sue, Ace, and Nate are all friendly. I don’t lurk because I thought you weren’t friendly, but because I don’t have something to say (most of the time). (And I would never say that that hasn’t stopped Nate; nosirree, I would never say that.)
Nate, I do enjoy your posts. I was a longtime fan of AtAT (As the Apple Turns), before it faded away, and then CARS, before it went on its hiatus, and now CANS. (Nate, you’re not planning a hiatus or anything, are you?)
Keep up the good work!
Oh really? You can only post if you have something to say? Is that in the ToS? Or the FAQ? Who knew? OK, I’ll be quiet now.
Ironically, I only have something to say after I write my posts.
No, it’s not in the ToS. That’s just my preference. Ace and Sue do such a good job of posting the most pithy, relevant comments to Nate’s articles, there’s usually not much left for me to say.
Want to try for five comments in one post?
Had I kown someone was reading these, I’d have made my comments more pithy. After I found out what pithy meant, of course.
Sue, the game as I see it is to have the word count of all comments on the site exceed the word count of all the articles. The key is to have lots of little words, and lots of redundancy. That’s lots of itsy bitsy teeny weeny little words, and repeating things. Repeating things again and again, over and over again. Ditto.
Aha. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. Every good boy deserves fudge. May I have a large container of coffee please. My very elderly mother just served us nine pickles. Every long journey begins with one step. Walk a mile in my shoes. The grass is always greener on the other side.
Anyone know what the first four are?
Did my bit for the word count today. Awaiting Friday to see if there’s a new post.