Crazy Apple News Site

Every Friday we publish a list of inFrequently Answered Questions and answers to help you, the Crazy Apple user, get more out of your Crazy Apple products.

This week: the sensation that everyone’s been talking about: Steam on the Mac! since our usual “Q” is still standing in line for his iPad, we have once again enlisted the help of Grug the Orc from Freeverse’s¹ Hordes of Orcs to help us explore this hot new trend in Mac Gaming.

Q: Grug not see why Grug has to talk about competitor’s product.

A: Hey, Steam has a lot of potential, and Freeverse could easily tap into it, you see, Steam is a great online content delivery and account management system…

Q: Grug know what Steam is! Grug orc, not stupid. You think that just because Grug not speak perfect English that Grug doesn’t understand the value of an integrated content marketplace and social network. If Grug so stupid, why you not speak Orcish, instead of make orc speak English?

A: Gosh, you’re right. I have no idea how to speak Orcish.

Q: … Actually, Grug speaking Orcish right now. Turns out Orcish is broken English in Grug’s world.

A: …

Q: Hey, Grug created by programmers, not J.R.R. Tolkein! Cut Grug some slack already.

A: Ooookay. Moving on. If you’re so smart, why do you keep walking into all those traps?

Q: Not Grug’s fault! That how program works. Grug just object; must respond to calls on public methods. Although it true, sometimes Grug feels like lemming.

A: Lemmings don’t actually run into the sea, you know.

Q: No, Grug mean 10-pixel-tall lemming from old computer game Lemmings, not furry mammal from arctic countries.

A: Oh, right. Hey, that was a fun game!

Q: Yeah. Grug always feel sorry for exploder lemmings though. Not their fault door opened in stupid place!

A: Yeah. Anyway, Steam.

Q: Look, if good Mac games get on Steam, great. If only Valve games on Steam, what the big deal? Maybe some Freeverse games get on there, maybe not, Grug not say. Apparently Grug only good for answering questions from two-bit blogger-man.

A: Hey, ouch.

Q: Eh, Grug call ‘em like Grug see ‘em. Not too good at tact. No real need, out there in the trenches.

A: When you’re getting shot fulla arrows?

Q: No, when answering support calls at call center. Seriously, some people so stupid.

A: Well, that’s all the time we have. Hopefully you’ve gained a better understanding of the world of Mac games and how it’s changed with the entry of one of the PC world’s biggest names.

Q: Not much, that’s what Grug say. People still stupid.

A: So until next time… oh, and if you happen to wander past the Apple Store, give Q some food and tell him to come home. He can get his iPad like the rest of us.

1. It should go without saying that Freeverse had nothing at all to do with this article. Any opinions expressed here are probably stupid, but don’t blame them for that. Blame our failed educational system, and most of all, blame yourself for not caring more. [↩]