Crazy Apple News Site

Every Friday week we publish a list of inFrequently Answered Questions and answers to help you, the Crazy Apple user, get more out of your Crazy Apple products.

This week, we scrape the bottom of the barrel and dredge up disk utility, the app that 90% of the time only gets used when you think your system is fried.

Q: I have secrets I need to keep.

A: I hear the secrets that you keep–

Q: I don’t talk in my sleep.

A: … Spoilsport.

Q: Aaaaanyway, I have things that need to be kept on the DL. The QT. Under the radar. Under the bridge. Under the boardwalk. Out in the Boondocks ¹. Leaving New York. I forgot what I was talking about.

A: You said you needed to keep secrets before you started quoting song titles.

Q: Riight right. Anyway, I need a way to keep some…things…secure.

A: On your mac.

Q: Yes.

A: You do know that you can encrypt your entire user directory, right?

Q: Yeah, but I don’t want to go that far. I only need some things secured. And they need to be secured even if someone gets into my account. ‘Cause this one time, when I was on rocket-powered skis in the Improbable Mountains outside of Marrakesh…

A: I don’t think I have proper clearance to hear the rest of that. Anyway, Believe it or not, Apple has provided a tool custom-made for people like you.

Q: An incredibly stylish cyanide capsule that fits nicely into a false molar ² ? Retrofitted iSight cameras that also shoot laser beams at unauthorized users? an iPhone app that allows me to not only play my music via bluetooth in my Aston-Martin, but also calls said Aston-Martin to me if I can’t get to it?

A: Umm, kinda like that yeah. Only instead of an improbable and deadly device it’s a way to create an encrypted disk image where you can store your confidential files.

Q: You intrest me strangely, old friend.  How does such a thing work?

A: Well, you know that Macs make great use of disk image files, or “.dmg” files, for things like installers and whatnot? And that a .dmg file is a much easier thing to send over the internet than, say, a CD-ROM?

Q: Yes, I follow you.

A: Well, there’s also an option to encrypt your new .dmg file, so it’s only accessible with a password that you set. You can use 128-bit or 256-bit AES encryption, the same encryption the Americans use for Top-secret documents.

Q: But will  a super-spy be able to crack my password by sitting in  a dark room in front of a screen with green letters scrolling upwards across their face?

A: Only if you’re dumb enough to choose something stylish like “martini” as your password, and only if the hacker is using a Mac.

Q: I like what you say old friend! I shall transfer all those top-secret Soviet plans into an encrypted disk image, set the password to something unguessable like “nomoresecrets”, and finally get the drop on the Reds once and for all!

A: But the USSR… the Soviets… The Berlin Wall… Yeah, alright. Have fun.

Q: So I shall. I’m off!

1. Did you know “boondocks” comes from the Tagalog (Filipino) word “bundok” which means “mountain”? And that it’s the only known Tagalog word to be adopted into English? Well now you do! [↩]
2. Proposed name: the iDie [↩]