Friday iFAQ: AppZapper 2.0
Every Friday we publish a list of inFrequently Answered Questions and answers to help you, the Crazy Apple user, get more out of your Crazy Apple products.
This week we address the update of that venerable MacHeist alumnus, AppZapper! Now sporting a shiny new 2.0 version number!
Q: So, it’s an app. That gets rid of other apps. Is that about the size of it?
A: Well, yeah. But, see, that’s useful, because–
Q: What happens if you use it on itself? Then what happens? What happens if you zap the zapper?
A: Oh, you don’t want to do that, because
This Just In!
We interrupt this iFAQ to bring you the following urgent message: We know what Apple is going to announce at the upcoming not-actually-announced event later this month!
Forget all your tablet ideas! Put your minds at rest concerning flat computing in general! Something better, something more revolutionary is coming!
The iCube
Ten inches to a side, the iCube will be made up of not one, but six flat panel touch screens, with features the likes of which you can’t comprehend with your mortal mind. The iCube will have built in face recognition, and only turn on when it sees it’s owner or a designated user! Being a full cube, and being able to track your eyes on it, your cube will track where you are looking, and will present a three-dimensional view of your data, but only to you! Feel free to use your iCube on the bus, on a train, on a plain, with a fox AND in a box, because nobody else will be able to see it! To them you will just be looking at a plain black box OR (if you get the iCube Pro) nothing at all! To unauthorized users, the iCube Pro will be completely invisible! You will be sitting there, basking in the glory of your favorite new three dimensional social networking game, and to others on the bus you’ll be talking to your own knees!
This kind of power demands an article with a lot of bolds, all-caps, and italics in it! We may even UNDERLINE a few things! Don’t tempt us!
Crazy, you say?1 Perhaps! Or perhaps, we, alone of ALL the rabid Apple-centric blogs, have struck upon the unvarnished truth, and covered it with a nice wear-resistant, water-proof veneer of excellence! Think about the rumors, the patent applications, and the hints from overseas we’ve been seeing and tell me you don’t see it! Tracking a user’s eyes? Apple’s applied for a patent on that! sudden shortage of high-tech touchscreens? That’s because the iCube will use six of them! The evidence is so clear, even John Gruber could see it, if he ever stopped looking in that mirror of his.
So, when the long-awaited day arrives, and Steve Jobs takes us all into the rabbit hole and we emerge blinking into the bright, starry light of a new dawn, remember who it was that first drew back the curtains and let you listen at the wall, who gave you your first taste of the light, who let you hear that song that touched your heart and made you dance on your hands in a rumba of rapture.
Because it was me.
CANS. Not CARS.
Let’s just be clear on that.
We now take you back to this week’s regularly-scheduled iFAQ, already in progress.
Q: You slept with a goat!?!
A: No! We kicked that goat right out of the bed! He had to sleep outside!
Q: Well, thank goodness for that.
- Please read what it says in the upper left corner of the page. Thank you. [↩]
Yes, but does it come with a carrying strap?
That iCube revelation is rock-solid, except, well, here’s the thing: geometry.
Yes, the hitch in your gitalong is that that vast supply of ten-inch touch screens isn’t of square screens, but oblong. And the ten-inch dimension refers to the diagonal of the screen. So: no squares means no cubes, and certainly not ten-inchers. There could be bezels to take up the slack, but that wouldn’t be Jobsian, now would it? Sorry to burst your bubble and rain on your parade…
Otherwise, I totally bought what you’re selling!
Yes, I understand the 10″ measurement is the diagonal. But each side of the six square screens would measure 7.07″ on a side (based on the Pythagorean theorem). No bezels needed.
Well, alrighty then. Touche. I stand corrected. Never mind. Move along now; nothing to see here.
Sunday morning math problems? No fair.
Ummmm…Now that I re-read my own post (what?) the cube would have a 14.1″ diagonal on each face, because I said it was “ten inches to a side”, so 10^2 + 10^2 = 200, and sqrt(200) = 14.1 something something. Turns out I can’t do math on Sunday Morning either. Or proper proof reading.
It’s Saturday — time for another Friday iFAQ!
I’m a little behind this week. Could we do iFAQ on Sunday?