Steve Ballmer Revealed To Be “A Rounding Error”
Waves of shock rocked the Microsoft campus today. Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer has ceased to exist following an announcement that his entire existence in the first place was the result of a “rounding error” by accountants using Microsoft Money.
This news is made ironic1 in light of a recent interview the nonexistent CEO gave recently stating that Apple’s Safari browser and Google’s Chrome were both “Rounding Errors“, as opposed to Mozilla Firefox, which is statistically relevant.
“It was actually his comments that led us to look deeper at Microsoft’s finances,” admitted P. Waterhouse of Pfister Attorneys and Pflumbers2. “We had been hired to do a routine audit of Microsoft’s accounts and holdings, and in the course of our investigation we came to find that the existence of a being such as “Steve Ballmer” was so statistically improbable that we were forced to conclude that he does not, in fact, exist.”
When asked what effect this could have on the company, Waterhouse replied, “well, obviously they’re going to need a CEO with enough essential existence to maintain a physical presence. We have recommended that Paul Allen pull a Steve Jobs, but for some reason he’s locked himself in his office and is adamantly refusing to talk to us about what he calls ‘a sinking ship’. We tried to explain to him that a software company, unlike a boat, actually can be unsinkable, but he refuses to listen.”
Rumors that Steve Jobs, Tim Cook, and/or Phil Schiller have been approached to take over Mr. Ballmer’s spot have been neither confirmed nor denied by our contacts at Apple. Not surprisingly, Mr. Ballmer was also unavailable for comment.
Too bad. I thought he was pretty good in “Young Frankenstein.”
Rounding error……hee hee hee…….