Friday iFAQ: iPhone OS 3.0
Every Friday we publish a list of inFrequently Asked Questions and answers to help you, the Crazy Apple user, get more out of your Crazy Apple products.
This week, we just can’t get enough cuttin’ and pastin’ with the new OS for the iPhone. Or in our case, the iPod Touch. Actually, we’ve been abusing the “shake to shuffle” feature and discovered that “shake to cut and paste”1 is not nearly as conducive to a good iFAQ as we would have hoped. But here’s what we got. We don’t have time to re-organize it. Gotta go make some in-app purchases.
Q: Shouldn’t that be MMMS?
A: Yeah! The iPhone is totally doing the P-Trans now!
Q: Or maybe I mean paying three times as much for a program as I used to.
A: All the way through, baby!
Q: The user kinda gets it in the shorts.
A: Well, let’s say you’re a big Red Sox fan…
Q: I know, they gave the maps a “turn by turn” feature.
A: Um, use it for good! Not so much for evil!
Q: So, basically….
A: Um, I think you mean amazing programmatic enhancements!
Q: And The G1 could do it at launch! But the iPhone does handle it more elegantly.
A: A text message with a picture in it.
Q: What is MMS?
A: Well, I admit, that one’s kinda more developer-friendly than user-friendly.
Q: Ah, so it’s for thinning out the stupid people, is it?
A: Ummmm, I don’t think that’s what it’s for…
Q: And why should I be happy about that?
A: Gotta love those little blue pins! Oh, and speaking of the blue pin…
Q: Yeah.
A: Well, what about cut and paste? That works well!
Q: Hey, what?
A: …And you subscribe to a push notification service that tells you how the Sox did in any given game!
Q: Huh. That’s pretty green of them.
A: But come on, there’s other new features as well!
Q: Heaven forbid…
A: “Multimedia” has been one word since, like, 1993, so we’re good with it.
Q: Like getting nickeled and dimed to death by programs I purchased previously?
A: Aaaaand you can find routes for walking, car, or public transportation in select metro areas!
Q: Knocking off the folks that follow stupid teams? “Pushing” them off of high ledges?
A: Well, there’s push notifications! They’re like background apps, but waaay more processor-and-battery friendly.
Q: Allright, so what else do you have that isn’t a patch that should have been in the 1.0 or made to make me crazy?
A: It stands for Multimedia Message Service.
Q: Quiet! And then, when they’ve been getting the depressing updates for a month….
A: What?
Q: No, no, I can use this! Just make a program that consistently tells the user that their team is terrible…
A: This could have gone better.
- Yes, I did actually write a normal iFAQ and then made a little program to randomly put in alternating “Q” and “A” lines. The only one I forced was the final “A” [↩]
This article didn’t make sense until I picked up my Cinema Display and shook it vigorously.
I should try that more often!
So not fair before coffee!
Wait a minute ….. you actually had to write a program to mix up the answers? How geeky is that?
Oh, it’s very geeky. But it was fun! I like writing silly programs that I’ll only ever use once, because what if I want to use it again sometime? You never know! Also, Ace: After picking up an expensive monitor and shaking it vigorously, anything else you do or read will seem sensible.
Yes, I’ve noticed the onset of serene wisdom. I want to spread the good news so others can feel this suffusion of unquestioning bliss by making like an Etch-a-Sketcher. I must found a new religion! Yes! What shall I and my adherents be called? Shakers? [google...google...google] Naw, already taken. Drat! Forget it! Damn intellectual property rights!