Crazy Apple News Site

So, with Apple’s huge reported stockpile of cash, rumors of the technology superstar acquiring other major players–such as Twitter or even EA games–abound. But all the pundits have overlooked the most obvious and affordable possible acquisition that Apple could make:

This site.

That’s right, we have it on good authority¹ that Apple has been looking at getting a sense of humor any time now, and we feel that a good way to start would be to purchase the craziest of Apple News Sites.

For only $.5Million Apple would have access to all of the following:

• Friday iFAQs!
• Ruby Ninja Androids!
• Made up stories about their board of directors!
• Up to three (3) loyal comment-makers per post!
• My, er… My Twitter Updates!… over there…?

And so much more! Just like Twitter we have no revenue, no income, and no real business model, yet we are rumored to be available for so much less and can thus theoretically  pass the hypothetical savings on to Apple!  What’s more, we are actually somewhat related to Apple, unlike some Pogue-centric microblogging services.  Yes, CANS is² an amazing bargain!

But wait, there’s more! If Apple acts now we will also throw in, absolutely free of charge, my vintage Core³ Duo iMac, and 40% interest in coals2newcastle.com, my other technology blog!  All for a mere fraction of what the rumors sites think Apple would pay just one web-texty messagey site people keep talking about!  So, if you are a major innovator in the personal electronics industry, don’t wait! An offer this good comes around only once every couple of weeks! Call now! Operators are standing around.

1. our dog at 2:30am in a dream [↩]
2. the grammar is correct in this case, I promise. [↩]
3. note that there’s no “2″ here [↩]