Friday iFAQ: Fill-In-The-Blanks Edition
Every Friday we publish a list of inFrequently Asked Questions and answers to help you, the Crazy Apple user, get more out of your Crazy Apple products.
This week we offer you the opportunity to write your own iFAQ with this handy template!
Q: I have a question about the new ___________. Can you help me?
A: Ah, yes, the __________. Do you have the __________ Standard or the Pro?
Q: The Standard. I didn’t want to pay the extra __________ dollars, just so I could ______________ without using a third party ______________________.
A: Hmmm. Well, sometimes that will work, if you watch out for ____________ or condensation, but you’re still going to lose definition in the _____________. What is the problem you’re having?
Q: Well, whenever I try to spool up a ______________ node, I get 75% too much _________________ all along the regressor pathways.
A: Yeah, that’ll happen. Are you using an open-source _____________ patch or the Microsoft one?
Q: Microsoft! I wouldn’t use the “Muckrosoft” version if they threatened to _____________ my left ______________ all the way to Sheboygan.
A: Well, I realize that there are moral issues at stake, but in this case, It’s hard to deny that Microsoft _________________s a good ___________________.
Q: Look, the only reason their version doesn’t _________________ is because they bought out _______________, fired the _________________ department, and put all the engineers in ________________ and re-branded it.
A: Still, if you want less ________________ in your ______________, you have to decide if you can deal with the ___________________, or take the extra time for the ________________ version to load your ____________ files, respectively.
Q: Listen, if it’s a choice between a fuzzy ___________ or paying Mr. Ballmer ______________ just so he can ____________ my nodules, then call me Leo Laporte, ’cause this _____________ don’t _____________ with the monkeys.
A: Language! Please, we have reason to believe that young ______________ read this blog on occasion! Well, if that’s how you feel about it, then you should probably try the free ________________, darken to 30% ______________ per diem, then put in the sun and hope for the best!
Q: Better than _________________ing with the devil in the ______________________.
I need help with this assignment. At least with Mad Libs, one gets guidance on which part of speech is to be plugged in. Can’t you put clues under the blanks, such as “Fruit that rhymes with dapple.”? Not that I want you to do my job–just a little help is all I ask for…
Noun, Same noun, same noun, number, verb, noun, technical noun, process name, adjective, noun, computer noun, humorous verb, noun, verb, noun, verb, company, department name, other department name, noun, noun, noun, adjective, noun, invective, animal humorous verb, species, noun, ratio, verb, descriptive place,
in that order.
Cool. Interactive blog post. But must finish coffee first.
P.S. Like the new blog layout!
Here’s my assignment. I’m expecting extra credit for disregarding certain of your bogus guidelines, and for coining a neologism. At least, I don’t believe I’ve seen it used before–but then, I don’t get out much.
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Q: I have a question about the new Chronosynclastic Infundibulum. Can you help me?
A: Ah, yes, the Chronosynclastic Infundibulum. Do you have the Chronosynclastic Infundibulum Standard or the Pro?
Q: The Standard. I didn’t want to pay the extra miniscule fraction of a Morporkian penny, just so I could ask forgiveness for my transgressions without using a third party tribute to Baal.
A: Hmmm. Well, sometimes that will work, if you watch out for early onset Alzheimer’s or condensation, but you’re still going to lose definition in the 16 to 24 Hertz range. What is the problem you’re having?
Q: Well, whenever I try to spool up a cancerous lymph node, I get 75% too much disgusting lymphatic fluid all along the regressor pathways.
A: Yeah, that’ll happen. Are you using an open-source cabbage patch or the Microsoft one?
Q: Microsoft! I wouldn’t use the “Muckrosoft” version if they threatened to decapitate my left head all the way to Sheboygan.
A: Well, I realize that there are moral issues at stake, but in this case, It’s hard to deny that Microsoft Clippy’s a good little office assistant.
Q: Look, the only reason their version doesn’t exceed Microsoft Bob in stupitude is because they bought out Worldwide Pants, fired the time travel dispatch department, and put all the engineers in solitary and re-branded it.
A: Still, if you want less hitch in your git-along, you have to decide if you can deal with the flood of criticism, or take the extra time for the as-yet-unreleased version to load your cotton-pickin’ files, respectively.
Q: Listen, if it’s a choice between a fuzzy wuzzy caterpillar or paying Mr. Ballmer the extra miniscule fraction of a Morporkian penny, just so he can fondle my nodules, then call me Leo Laporte, ’cause this [expletive deleted] pool cue don’t play [expletive deleted] poker with the [expletive deleted] monkeys.
A: Language! Please, we have reason to believe that budding young scatologists read this blog on occasion! Well, if that’s how you feel about it, then you should probably try the free Renaissance Faire plug-in, darken to 30% periwinkle per diem, then put in the sun and hope for the best!
Q: Better than schmoozing with the devil on the Capitol steps.