Crazy Apple News Site

Friends, we are gathered here today, in this beautiful Infinite Loop Cemetery, to lay another Apple Product to rest. I know that many of us heard that AppleWorks’ End of Life was in 2007, and staunchly stayed with it, come what may. But when MacWorld broke the story today, we knew it was, indeed, the end. And so now, friends, let us look back at the life of AppleWorks; it’s successes, it’s highlights, and the lift it gave to iWork, who is here with us today.

AppleWorks, once known as ClarisWorks, shouldn’t be confused with its grandfather, also named AppleWorks. Like its grandfather, AppleWorks was serious, industrious, and ready to do business. But it wasn’t all spreadsheets and documents with ol’ AW. I think we all remember the “42 page bug”, a joke that always brought a smile to AW’s face, even as it caused heart attacks in the users who actually wrote 42 page papers.

And now, as we look around at the company that AppleWorks will have in this beautiful memorial garden, we see the seeds of greater things springing up from amongst the strong roots planted here. Just to the left of us is Newton’s headstone, still tended by iPhone and iPod Touch, who remember him with fondness. And I think we’ve all seen Revolution over by HyperCard’s mausoleum, clearing out the weeds and chasing off the fanatics who keep trying to bring HyperCard back as some kind of zombie on OSX. iWork, we are comforted by your presence here, and wonder if you could say a few words.

iWork: AppleWorks was always there for me. When I couldn’t open an ancient file from someone’s Performa, AW would come along and pop it open for me, then pass it over in a format I could understand. When I didn’t have a spreadsheet, it would step in and I knew I was covered. I always felt safe when AppleWorks was around, you know? Well, I’m no longer 1.0, and I’ve come a long way, but I’ll…I’ll miss AW. I think we all will. I guess…I guess that’s all I’ve got. Thank you.

Thank you, iWork. And now, a moment of silence, please, while we uninstall AppleWorks from the hard drive. It may no longer be in our Applications folders, but it will always be in our hearts.