New iPhone OS: The Best Parts
The announcement of new features for the iPhone OS yesterday stirred up a lot of excitement here at CANS HQ. Finally, the features we’ve been wanting, available, for the low low price of $9.95!
Yeah, you know the features we’re talking about.
Push notifications from Oracle!
Finally, your Oracle database can let you know when Larry Ellison is planning to mercilessly rip you off, or when you’re dangerously low on teddy bear eyes! These are groundbreaking features, folks! Never before have senior executives of bloated companies that pay upwards of $10,000 for features that MySQL gives you for free able to justify buying themselves a new toy on their expense account. We expect the Oracle app to sell for $300, with in-app purchases of things like “graphs” and “accurate data” going for only $100 each.
Which leads us right in to…
In App Purchases!
That’s right! Now you can rest safe in the knowledge that just because you bought an app doesn’t mean you’re done paying for it. I’m sorry, did you want all the levels to that game? Do you Sims need clothes? That’ll be another dollar, please. It is not without irony that the icon they chose while talking about his was a stack of nickels1.
And If that one does’t get your motor running, how about….
Shake to Shuffle!
Yes, those of us who left our brand-new nanos in the dust to move to iPod Touches can now completely ignore playlists with just a few spastic flicks of the wrist! I used this feature on my nano far more than I care to admit. It’s amazing how quickly you can decide a playlist really isn’t what you want to listen to just now. And why do I even have all that Zappa music?
Indeed, just these three new features are enough to make me almost fall over with excitement, but we’ve only just scratched the surface! Get excited now, so you can pay $10 later! I will! I would prepay it now, if I could! Here I’m hoping that you think I’m being ironic, because I don’t want to reveal that I’m really excited about some of these features, and seriously, if Apple lets me pre-order, I will! I’m just that easy!
- and presumably dimes [↩]
Is this the first comment?
Hee hee hee…. Beat me, Ace. No biggie, nothing clever to add. I’ll get the update too. Why not?
Yes it was.
Frank Zappa, the composer, refuses to die! My favorite song on my iPhone quite possibly might be “It Must Be a Camel.”
However, I can do without the Phlorescent Leech and Eddie. Not my cup of tea.
Hey everybody, get your hineys over to CARS. Moltz actually posted something.
Too crowded over there. Funny tho. Wonder who wrote it? Moltz said on Twitter that he didn’t.
He’s gaslighting us. Or he has a multiple personality disorder, but then we knew that already.