Friday iFAQ: Bento (the “Two Days Under the blanket of crushing self-doubt” edition!)
Every Friday we publish a list of inFrequently Asked Questions and answers to help you, the Crazy Apple user, get more out of your Crazy Apple products.
This week: Bento, the database for people who don’t use databases.
Q: I run a local softball league…
A: Sure you do.
Q: …and I need to keep track of my players and their stats, averages, and addresses.
A: Uh huh. you’re a plant.
Q: No, seriously! I want to use Bento for my extracurricular activities!
A: Nnnno. No, you’re a FileMaker employee trying to talk up the whole “personal database” thing.
Q: C’mon, be a sport. Just help me merge my address book with my team roster so I can conveniently send everyone reminder emails, because I’ve also imported my calendar from iCal!
A: [Reading WIkipedia] Holy cow! Your company is a wholly-owned subsidiary of Apple, Inc. !
Q: We are not! My softball league is sponsored by the local power company. So we don’t have all that much money, and Bento seemed like a good way to capitalize on the power of my Mac without spending a whole bunch on new programs.
A: Mmmmhmmm. And I’m sure you’re just loving the “drag-and-drop” programming style. I mean, who does that? “Hey boss, I just drag-and-dropped a new version of the Safari browser, it’s got tabs on top now! and I sped up the JavaScript renderer!” “Great job! Good thing we don’t have to worry about code optimization!”
Q: I really don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m an accountant, and I like to play softball, and I have a Mac, and are you going to help me or not?
A: Look, Planty McShill, nobody, but nobody actually used Bento. Some people my download it. Some may actually buy it, but when you get down to brass tacks, it’s either a gussied-up version of the Address Book or it’s a dumbed-down relational database management system. Either way, it’s not a thing you “use” to “organize your life”. It’s more of a “symbol” of your “flock mentality” and you should be “ashamed of yourself.”
Q: I have a feeling this isn’t really the place to get help making my phone list part of a separate but accessible form.
A: That’s for sure. I’ve sure never been able to get it to work.
Q: I guess I’ll just go ask Dave down in Quality Assurance. After all, he wrote that feature.
A: I knew it! You do work for the company!
Q: And you have used Bento, or how would you know that you “couldn’t ever get that to work”?
A:…. Crap.
First person to bother checking in!
I would’ve tried Bento, but I already have FileMaker Pro and I refuse to downgrade for any reason. “Cute” doesn’t fly with me.
Except for my grandchildren.
Some people actually sleep you know. Don’t have File Maker, thinking of trying Bento.