Crazy Apple News Site

An exclusive interview with Tim Cook, Acting CEO of Apple Inc, revealed the lighter side of his job this week.

“Sometimes news gets slow,” shrugged Tim Cook. “I mean, of course. We’re working on new products, but they’re not ready to be released yet. Or we’re just focusing on Snow Leopard and the next version of the iPhone OS. Whatever. The point is, when things start to get quiet, we start losing the attention of the world media.” He giggled mischievously. “That’s when I do this.”

Mr. Cook then opened his MacBook Air and went to macrumors.com’s submission page. “I’ve given them enough enticing information that I get priority handling.” He entered an email address, nickname and codeword, then said, “let’s see, what should I tell them today?”

Apple is planning a new mac tablet, with multi-touch and GPS, as well as a face recognition ‘password’ system based on an iSight camera hidden behind the screen. Furthermore, this new device will be priced just above the current netbook prices, somewhere in the $500-$600 range, making it a serious option for those considering a smaller computer.

“I never get tired of these tablet/netbook stories,” Mr. Cook grinned. “And apparently, neither do they. They eat these up. I mean, come on! A tablet? Who wants a tablet? Have you ever tried to get any real work done on one of those? Either you type one-handed while you cradle the thing in your other arm, or you lie it on the desk and break your neck trying to look straight down at it. They’re garbage. But the rumors sites! They can’t get enough of these tablet stories.”

“The great thing is, they’ll bite at anything. ‘Apple is rethinking iPhone pricing.’ That’s a great one. I can roll that one out twice a month, if I want to. ‘Apple to release a netbook’. Priceless. Somehow the tablet/netbook dichotomy doesn’t seem to bother them. And the whole thing just keeps us in the public eye. I love it!”

I asked if he always fed the sites false rumors and he replied, “Oh no. Sometimes I give them a little bit of truth. Keeps me trusted. Keeps ‘em coming back. For example, I ‘leaked’ them that picture of the new iPod Nano. Great advertising, those ‘leaked’ pictures.”

So now you know where all those rumors come from. But wait,here’s the best part! I know something the other sites don’t know yet, and I got it directly from the horse’s mouth! Tim Cook told me that Apple is definitely coming out with a brand new mid-size tower Mac that will be expandable, have a 1TB hard drive standard, and use the DisplayPort or a DVI connector! And will be eco-friendly because it runs… entirely on…. rainbows.

Never mind.