Crazy Apple News Site

Now that the iPhone has been declared the ultimate winner in the war against the as-yet-unreleased Kindle 2, analysts are looking for other cross-market battles for the revolutionary communication device.

“The Kindle was an easy kill,” says Gohn Jruber, noted analyst.¹ “Now the iPhone is hunting bigger prey. And a German producer of finely crafted automobiles is next on Apple’s dance card.”²

In response to accusations that there is no real connection between the iPhone’s market and the BMW M3 Sedan’s, Jruber replied, “These products are total competitors! They are both made at least partially out of metal, they are both status symbols, and I have at least one of both. So they are both competing for my affection and polishing time. And when it comes to polishing, how many people are really going to make the trek all the way out to the garage, when they can just polish their iPhone to a high gloss in the comfort of their own living room? When people want to polish, they aren’t going to take a big heavy performance vehicle with them.”

Beyond the polishing issue, many other analysts feel that the iPhone has other natural advantages over the BMW M3.
“For example; the iPhone gets an infinite number of miles to the gallon, because it doesn’t use any gas at all!” enthused Pavid Dogue, who claims that “in these environmentally challenging times, this is the kind of fuel efficiency that moves metal. Even if it’s only the trace amounts of metal on the circuit boards and chips inside the newly redesigned plastic iPhone case.”

Apple was unavailable for comment, and when we contacted BMW all they said was “Der Hund wünscht der Motte guten Abend nicht”, which according to Apple’s translation widget means “The dog does not require good evening to the moth”.

1. that’s what his card says. And we always believe what people put on their cards. [↩]
2. It is widely believed that Mr. Jruber has been convicted on multiple counts of metaphor mangling. [↩]