Crazy Apple News Site

Perhaps it was the work of an Albert Einstein-style patent clerk, but Apple got more than they bargained for when their latest patent was approved.

“When we filed the patent for multi-touch interfaces, it was necessary to demonstrate the method used to register multiple touches on the device,” says Scott Forstall, SVP of iPhone Software at Apple. “So we had to include an image of a human finger. We didn’t realize the, ah, inherent opportunities in doing so.”

“Patent is hereby granted to Apple, Inc. on all items appearing in all images in the patent filing,” is the wording used by the United States Patent Office.  The problem is image 4: a picture of a standard human finger.

“This definitely grants Apple patent rights on human fingers,” says John Gruber, because that’s the kind of Gruber he is.  “I for one stand ready to pay full license fees, yearly if needed, to keep using my fingers to their fullest extent.”

Fortunately that may not be needed. “While we are not sure that you can patent a naturally occurring item like a finger¹ we would like to assure the public that we will not be seeking universal licensing on human fingers,” says Tim Cook, Acting CEO of Apple.  “However, that doesn’t mean we won’t be seeking license fees from, well, we’ll call them special interest groups.  For example, We will definitely be ‘vigorously defending’ this patent from Microsoft. Microsoft execs all owe us $3.4 million for use of their digits.”

Not surprisingly, Palm has filed a patent on the rest of your hand.

1. you can’t. In my mind software patents are still legally questionable.  But that’s another story.  For another class. That I finished before I got my B.S. [↩]