iWear
Rumors of Apple launching a new line of “retro” t-shirts have frustrated the plans of software giant Microsoft.
“Awwww, crap,” said Ray Ozzie, Microsoft’s CSA. “This isn’t going to be another iPod/Zune thing is it? It is, isn’t it? We’re going to lose our, er, shirts to Apple, again, because somehow they’re going to come up with some cool rainbow-apple logo shirts that make all our DOS shirts look like something you’d use to clean up after the dog. And we were even first this time.”
The 80′s style retro tees are indeed rumored to lean strongly on the rainbow apple, as well as the “happy mac” icon and original finder icon.
“We feel that these are symbols of people’s first contact with good computers,” said David Pogue, who just likes to get in the middle of everything, whether it concerns him or not. “They’ll bring back memories of playing “Oregon Trail” with graphics, and these are memories that will help sustain people through the hard economic times ahead. Or you could get a t-shirt with Bill Gates’ mug shot on it. It’s up to you, really.”
“No, seriously,” said Ozzie. “We came up with the whole ’80′s retro shirt’ thing, and we should at least get a couple of months to try to sell them before Apple comes along and craps it up for us. Whenever we try to get anything out the door that’s even a little bit ‘trendy’ or ‘cool’, they just come along and blast us right outta the water. This is a prime example of ‘Vista Bullying’ all over again, you know that, don’t you?”
The Linux community, ever quick to jump on the bandwagon, announced their own ’80s retro look, then had a good laugh at themselves when they remembered that Linus Torvalds didn’t create Linux until 1991, and that Tux the penguin has been pretty much the same ever since that time.
Apple has refused to confirm or deny the rumors, but they did wink at us and put on a pair of smoked-glass aviator-style shades.
Ace, where are you? Got that iPhone yet?
Sue, I have one last iPhone hurdle to leap. One of my keys to affording cellular service is giving up the landline. But a few years ago when I had Cingular, their network signal was terrible at my house, one bar at most. So I have to figure out a signal booster or something. Unless they’ve improved it.
Hey, maybe AT&T would pay me big bucks to locate a cell tower on my property!
If Ray Ozzie is involved in the retro t-shirt project, I’m afraid the t-shirts are going to end up like Lotus Notes: combination t-shirt, raincoat, bustier, sleeping bag, can opener, aviator goggles, blowtorch, pocket protector, kilt, and coffee percolator.