Crazy Apple News Site

Panic gripped the Mac community today as startling evidence of Apple’s loss of confidence amongst the younger crowd was evidenced.

“Nintendo is more cooler than the iPhone,” said Timmy, age 10.

“This is catastrophic, this is more than I can handle,” wailed Leo Laporte, mostly because we haven’t made up used any quotes from him in a while. “If 10-year-olds don’t like iPhones, they won’t grow up to use Mac Pros! If they don’t grow up to use Mac Pros, the only other thing they could be using is (Da da DAAAAAAAH) Windows Computers!” We weren’t previously aware that Mr. Laporte did all his own sound effects.

“Macs are lame, too,” Timmy was also reported to say. “I can’t even play lame old games like GTA 2 on my brother’s Mac.  All it can play is Spore, and that’s stupid.”

Apple has been quick to point out that they are working hard to connect with today’s youth through the use of poor grammar like “the funnest iPod ever” and that the opinion of one person doesn’t mean the whole world thinks that way, but the Mac Community had stopped listening at that point.  This is partially because nearly every Apple pundit was simultaneously offering Timmy candy if he would say he likes iPhones, but partially because this is the sort of rumor that you don’t just wait around for verification on before you start panicking.

“First Macworld gets the finger, and now Apple’s losing 10-year-olds.  Yep, looks like that ol’ Apple will be ripe for the pickin’ when Windows 7 rolls around,” said Rob Enderle, inexplicably dressed in overalls and a straw hat. “Yessir, they had a fair-to-middlin’ summer, but looks like ol’ autumn will be here soon and we all be havin’ some fresh apple sauce with our Sunday roast.”  His analogy got even more strained at this point, and frankly, we were too busy panicking to try and figure the rest of it out.

Apple may or may not have refused to comment, we aren’t sure. We were busy buying iTunes gift cards for all the 10 year olds we know, just to be on the safe side.