Friday iFAQ: Stacks
Every Friday we publish a list of inFrequently Asked Questions and answers to help you, the Crazy Apple user, get more out of your Crazy Apple products.
This week: Stacks, Apple’s easy way to make a pile of stuff on the dock look…well, a lot like a pile of stuff on the dock.
Q: Help! Help! Helphelphelp! Help! Help1 Hlephelf help!
A: Sir, or possibly madam, calm down! You’re starting to type like a 9-year-old!
Q: AAAAAAAAAAaauuuugghh!
A: Now you’re a comic strip person. What do you need?
Q: I [pant pant] need [pant] Steve!
A: I’m sorry?
Q: Steve Jobs! At Macworld! He’s not!
A: Ah. I see. And you-
Q: It’s a conspiracy, you know!
A: A consp…
Q: It’s a conspiracy between Apple and the Terrorist Hedgehogs to stop the Mac goodness from staying pure and unsullied!
A: The Terrorist Hedgehogs?1
Q: Don’t play dumb. You know all about the nefarious underground resistance fighters.
A: Are you just spouting random lines from B Sci-fi movies?
Q: And now they’ve undermined-
A: Good metaphor!
Q: -Macworld Expo and we have nothing left to live for! You know you were all excited about the “One More Thing” that was bound to happen this year! Now what do we have to look forward to?
A: Actually I quite like Phil Schiller…
Q: PHIL FREAKIN’ SCHILLER! We all know what he’s going to talk about. Stupid iPod games. Again.
A: That does seem likely…
Q: What about Snow Leopard? What about a new version of Time Machine? What about an iMac refresh? You think Schiller’s gonna talk about these things?
A: There doesn’t seem to be any real reason for me to respond to you…
Q: What about revamping the dashboard into something useful?2 What about a brand new 64GB iPod Touch with a black bezel? What about a black mock turtleneck?
A: Hey now, we don’t speak in bold italics on this blog; tone that language down my friend.
Q: Now all of this has been defeated by those libertarian pro-llama red-wing defeatist pinbacks!
A: We also don’t allow, er, species-ist slurs on our blog. I may have to ask you to leave.
Q: You would, you hedge-lover!
A: …
Q: It’s hard to find a good insult for someone who likes hedgehogs, alright?
A: I can see that.
Q: I mean, they’ve pretty much taken all the fun out of it at that point.
A: Yes. Well, hopefully-
Q: Much like the Terrorist Hedgehogs have taken all the fun out of Macworld Expo!
A: Okay, I warned you about this already, you’re outta here, my friend. Androids, if you please?
Q: You can’t silence the truth! I may be dragged kicking and screaming out of this iFAQ, but the truth will prevail! The hedgehogs are organized, and if we don’t act, we won’t have macs! You hedgehogs sympathizers must be stopped!
- Would be a good name for a band. Someone let Dave Barry know. [↩]
- Hint: this is not possible. -ed. [↩]
I got nothing— so—FIRST!
I learned more about Stacks than I had any right to.
I might even upgrade to Leopard!