Friday(More or less) iFAQ: Special “I-Just-Worked-30-hours-in-two-days” Edition!
Editor’s Note: The following is a transcript of the Ruby Ninja Adroids’ attempt to get a coherent iFAQ out of our staff after two 15-hour work days in a row.
RNA: Okay! It’s time for the iFAQ! Wakey-wakey!
N: ZZZzzzzzzzzZZZZzzzzzzzzz…
RNA: C’mon! Up and attem! Let’s just answer some questions now! we’ll even ask easy ones, like, “who’s cooler, Ballmer or Schilller?”
N: Snrk. Gslerm. zzzzzzzzzzzwrtlZZZZzzzzzz.
RNA: this isn’t working.
RNA 2: better break out the big guns.
RNA: you don’t mean…
RNA 2: I’m afraid so.
N: zzzzzz. Snt. Mmhmm. Hamsters! Evil French Hamsters are ruining my economy of scale! Don’t let them escape… club… zzzzzz.
RNA: Well, alright. We’ve gotta get a few sentences out of him at least. (clears throat) Yo! Rapmaster General! Vanilla Ice just called you a poser!
N: What! That foo don’ know who he’s messin’ wit’! He best jus’ step off before… Where am I?
RNA: iFAQ time!
N: Wha? oh, oh, the thing, with the words. Right, right. okay. Ask away.
RNA 2: He’s already nodding. Make it quick.
Q: Okay, question number one: how will the new glass trackpads affect corporate purchases of the MacBook?
A: Just don’t stick your tongue on the metal case in the winter! Hee hee hee.
Q: I’m worried that the new MacBooks will fail more often because they’re bricked at the factory. What can I do to make sure I get a good one?
A: We recommend shaking it several times before purchasing it. If you hear rattling noises, it’s probably already defective. Stare hard at the Apple store employee and ask, “what do you think you’re trying to pull here? That may have worked on some switcher, but I’m a fully registered user of Mellel, so I know my macs! Macs don’t rattle!” then fold your arms across your chest and tap your foot as if waiting for a reply. When the befuddled nineteen year old asks what Mellel is, demand to see his manager. If he (or she) is the manager, demand some pudding, then storm out in a rage before they can ask any more questions.
Q: How will that help?
A: I’m sorry. I forgot what the question was. Did you want some pudding? Because the Apple store isn’t the place to get it, lemme tell ya. They make terrible pudding.
Q: Umm. Moving on: do you feel that the new glass screens will improve the durability of the new MacBook line?
A: if they said “rigid” one more time in that “town hall” meeting, I swear I was gonna scream. Tell you what, next year they should be forced to release ridged laptops, like Wavy Lays. Just so they have to say “ridged, not rigid” over and over again.
Q: Okay! well, I think that’s all my questions! Thanks for your time!
A: Any time! any…time, at…mall……..rats…….terrible film! terrible…zzzzzzz
Sleep now. We’ll be here when you wake up.
Actually, this iFAQ was almost as good as a real iFAQ. Maybe sleep is overrated…