Every Friday we publish a list of inFrequently Asked Questions and answers to help you, the Crazy Apple user, get more out of your Crazy Apple products.
The Zombie of RMS
This week, with the iFAQ falling on Halloween, who better to answer your questions than ZRMS, the reanimated corpse of Richard Stallman? And what better product for him to answer questions about than AbiWord, the half-dead Open Source word processor?
Q: Why does AbiWord look like crap?
A: I blame Raymond. He keeps pushing that “bazaar” garbage, when some of us are trying to build cathedrals for everyone to worship in. And AbiWord is as Bizarre as they come.
Q: So open source should be tightly controlled open source?
A: All source should be in the hands of the FSF, so that we can give the people what they need, and they give us all they can.
And then I’ll eat their delicious, succulent brains.
Q: What was that last part?
A: Nothing! Seriously, the problem isn’t control, it’s patents. If I had all the control back when I was alive I wouldn’t be stalking Larry Wall right now to convince him to join me on the other side. Perl would have been an FSF project and I could have told him how to get version 6 done in less than 10 years.
Q: How’s Hurd coming along, by the way?
A: That’s GNU/Hurd, and it’ll be done any time now.
Q: Huh. So, back to AbiWord…
A: No, look, you mac people act like you’re all friendly to open source with your MacPorts, and your built-in ruby and python and stuff, but really all you want to do is look down your noses at those of us who want to live completely free of patents.
Q: Is “live” really the right word for you to use, all things considered? And I thought you’d softened towards us.
A: It’s the iPhone, man. Yes, it’s pretty. Yes, it “just works”. Yes, it’s on a large network that works everywhere and you can get a gazillion awesome apps and games and everything. But why you apple folk gotta keep dumpin’ on the G1?
Q: Oh, did the bearded zombie get his feelings hurt? Did some bad commenters say mean things about your phone on a naughty ol’ forum somewhere?
A: *sniff*. I mean, you’ve won, okay? Can’t you just leave us second-placers alone? You think we don’t know there’s problems? You’d think a forum like “iPhone Friends” would be more friendly!
Q: Well, you gotta consider the source, Richie. Mac people can be like that sometimes. You can’t let it get to you. Your phone will grow up and be the pride of geeky nerds everywhere, just like Linux…
A: GNU/Linux…
Q: …Just like Linux has become. And your open source revolution will continue in the glorious tradition of never making any real money.
A: You…you think so?
Q: I know so.
A: Awww, thanks. You just made an old, crazy zombie’s day.
Can I eat your brain?
Q: No.
A: Just a nibble off the right frontal lobe?
Q:No.
A: C’mon! Gruber let me eat his!
Q: That explains a lot. Look, if you’re hungry, go chew on Doctrow.
A: Ewww, I try to stay away from junk food.
Q: Look, can we just end this post?
A: All right. But brain jokes are so much fun!
Q: Fine. Go eat Merlin Mann’s brain. He’s been expanding it lately so there should be some scraps lying around. He won’t miss ‘em.
A: Woo hoo!
Sue on October 31st, 2008 at 7:40 pm says:
A little warm up before the big day? Good luck with the novel!
Ace Deuce on October 31st, 2008 at 11:10 pm says:
I’ve never understood Free Software Foundation. Is it anything like Free Angela Davis?