Crazy Apple News Site

Despite non-true rumors that the 1st-Gen iPod Classics would be getting the Genius feature, there’s a group of iPod owners out there that just ain’t happy.

“We Shuffle owners feel left out,” said S. Huffle, owner of every iPod Shuffle since the one that looked like gum.  “We always get the short end of the stick. I mean, look at what the Shuffle can’t do: It can’t watch movies. It can’t play podcasts. On-the-go playlists? Shuffle need not apply.  And now we don’t get a genius on our Shuffle to help us discover our music in a whole new way.  Frankly, we’re tired of feeling like second-class citizens.”

Apple Exec Tony Fadell was perplexed by the request. “I mean, wanting the Genius feature on the Classic is one thing. That makes sense; you paid a buttload of money for a hard drive with a screen, so I can see wanting your little toy upgraded.  But the Shuffle? Do we even still make those? We do? Why?”

But Huffle and others were not appeased by Tony’s generous comments.  Fortunately, Fadell and the Apple board listened to their complaints, and responded.

“We’re glad to roll out the Shuffle Upgrade Program,” said Steve Jobs in an email to registered Shuffle owners.  “Through the SUP Shuffle owners can get all the features found in high-end iPods, as well as a memory upgrade to 8GB for only $149.  Shuffle owners who are dissatisfied with the level of performance on their current iPods should say this secret phrase to any Apple Store employee: ‘I would like to buy an iPod Nano’.  They will know what to do.”

Apple could not be reached for comment, but that was mostly because they’re tired of us whining that we can’t have the genius feature on our 1st-Gen Classic.