Crazy Apple News Site

Every Sunday¹ we publish a list of inFrequently Asked Questions and answers to help
you, the Crazy Apple user, get more out of your Crazy Apple products.

Today: The person who just installed our carpet² answers your questions about using DSL to connect a Mac to the internet.

Q: I’ve heard that cable is faster than DSL, is that true?

A: Oh, I don’t know, and speed isn’t all that important, you know? But I have a cousin who can install cable for you.

Q: What’s the best way to find a reliable service provider in the state where I live?

A: My brother runs a business that will get you hooked up reeeeeal niiiice, if you know what I’m sayin’.

Q: I’m not sure I do, nor do I want to. Who is that old guy that came with you, why doesn’t he do anything, and why did he just cut a perfectly good six-foot piece of carpet into two three-foot pieces of carpet?

A: That’s my dad, no? And we need the smaller pieces to finish the small room, right? So, we will do it really quick, after we go take a break and talk about it for a while. Then we will look in all your closets.

Q: So, do you think you would be able to, oh, I don’t know, put my phone jack back on the wall, so that I can connect to the internet ³ anytime soon, considering that the jack is four feet above the ground in a room you’ve already finished?

A: Oh, see, we need to keep it off, and it’s not in our contract to put things like doors or phone jacks back. But I have a brother-in-law who owns a company that does that sort of thing. I can give you his number.

Q: When will you be finished, and how did you break my Logitech keyboard, which was in a drawer in the garage, where we don’t even have carpet going in? Do you know how much I hate this old white Apple keyboard?

A: We’re done, so will you please sign this invoice that’s for another house we’re doing in two days? We don’t like keeping our paperwork straight. I have a sister who works for Logitech-

Q: OUT! Get out!

1. If we have had contractors in our house Headquarters all day Friday and Saturday [↩]
2. and made a 4 hour job take two days [↩]
3. DSL uses phone lines. CANS don’t do dial-up [↩]