Every Friday we publish a list of inFrequently Asked Questions and answers to help you, the Crazy Apple user, get more out of your Crazy Apple products.
Today: High-school goth poets answer your questions about Microsoft Office 2008.
Q: Excel 2007 has this cool feature on Windows where you can just set a range of colors for a range of values and it will apply conditional formatting to a column. Can you do that in Excel 2008?
A: Black is the color of my soul,
Dripping sadness runs through my hair and stains the ground with my agony.
I cannot move my hands; the weight of my soul has surpassed my will.
Q: Word seems to take a long time to load on my mac mini, even with 2GB of RAM. What can I do to speed it up?
A: I sink into the flood of your hate in the Cathedral of the Indifferent,
the black candles casting raven-fluttering shadows as I try escape.
But alas! I cannot run as fast as my eyeliner runs in my tears.
Q: Will PowerPoint ever not suck?
A: Cruel, sharpenéd lights stab my eyes!
Hardened heart, darkened soul, turn from my feelings!
Hot Topic stopped carrying leather pants in my size
And I can no longer fit in my old ones.
Q: Um… Entourage?
A: But oh! that deep romantic chasm which slanted
Down the green hill athwart a cedarn cover!
A savage place! as holy and enchanted
As e’er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover!1
- Samuel Taylor Coleridge is the ultimate goth poet [↩]
Sue on July 18th, 2008 at 4:58 pm says:
Uh huh, OK. Ummmm…… safe to say….. FIRST?!?!??
Ace Deuce on July 18th, 2008 at 9:27 pm says:
O cauldron of dark designs, cook me up some tasty grub!